Rob

Rob just came over to pick up his aero-bed. Even though we've been broken up for a couple of months now (longer?) I hadn't had it in me to see him, to voluntarily meet up with him and give it to him. Its that one last thing I had to hold onto, that made it seem as though maybe, we would could still get back together.

Its not that I want to get back together with him - after all, it was my idea to break up. We had been having problems for a couple months, had broken up a couple times prior, and this last time was final only because all the back and forth was hurting both of us so much. We were in two different places, two different people, with opposite schedules, and opposite ideas of what a relationship meant. I think I lost interest in investing in someone other than myself right now. I think he needed me more than I really needed him.

Sometimes, I feel as though I should have stayed with Rob because of the different things he's going through. But for one, its not right to stay with someone when you feel less than they do. And two, I did not want to be one of those people who kept saying that there was no good time to break up.

I was proud of how I did it, though. Face to face. I gave my first boyfriend the closure of seeing him one last time after breaking up on the phone, but the second, Nick - well, we broke up on really bad terms. I understood (and I hope that Rob understands) the reasons for breaking up: why it had to happen, and that how it happened wasn't terribly awful. It was the sanest, most adult break up I've ever had. I don't think that my future ones will be so clean.

It was nice to see him. He looked good - happy, maybe? I wanted to hug him, but I was not sure if it was appropriate. I want him to do well, be well. I want to tell him that he is the reason I will always look back at 2008 and think, "Man, that was a good year."