Justin Bieber is a presumptuous little piece of shit

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Really, Bieber? Kurt Cobain? You're the Justin Timberlake of your generation - MAYBE. Although I think Lindsay Lohan's fate has its eyes set on you. Read more!

I Love Money 4: Episode 1 Recap

So, I Love Money 4 premiered last week (actually, exactly a week ago) and I have yet to update on it for no good reason other than laziness. So here we go.

As per usual, Craig Jackson's voice introduces the characters as the burned rejects from previous assorted Vh1 programming - namely, the "of love" shows and their spin-offs. Something I noticed right off the bat (and with the trailer) was that there were noticeably no Flavor of Love girls. Breaking my heart, here, Vh1. Breaking my heart.

However, there are some "colorful" characters on the show. Mamacita, the flamboyant Mexican chick from Real Chance of Love 2 makes her television redebut, as well as Brittanya, one of my personal favorites from Rock of Love Bus.

There are eighteen players who arrive on the beach to begin the game, which is an unusual number for I Love Money. In previous seasons, an odd number of players arrives, and one is left out at the end of the episode when the winners of the challenge select their teams in a dodge-ball style round of elimination.

The first challenge is on the beach, and is a battle within the sexes - referred to as the Safecracker Challenge. The players, in two heats - male, then female - must spin a bar around until a safe cracks open. Then, they have to grab a handle inside the safe to open another safe which contains money to be counted - which adds up the combination number of the last safe. The NEXT safe contains rope which they have to use to pull yet another safe high into the air to drop onto the ground. The last key detonates the final safe, releasing a flag which denotes which colored team they are on. There will be one female captain, and one male captain.

On the men's heat, Cheezy, Alex and Garth prove to be the weakest men. Francisco, from Megan Wants a Millionaire, manages to become team captain. During the women's heat, Cornfed, Mindy, and Mamacita are the slowest and are eliminated first. IN the end, however, Blonde Baller wins the challenge.

Green Team Captain versus. Gold Team Captain
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When the cast gets to the mansion where they will be living (for as many episodes as they last), the scheming, ass-kissing, and back-stabbing that made us grow so fond of these shady characters in the first place immediately begins. Punisher, who is no fan of Francisco, vows to have his back. Brittanya is all over Blonde Baller, as is Cheezy, who feels the need to drink a lot of tequila "to keep up" and "prove" he is tough. Other characters get into fights with one another, like Marcia and Mamacita, who cannot seem to get along despite quite possibly being the same exact person.

Of course, there is also flirtation - Mindy wants Francisco, Mamacita wants Alex, Chi Chi wants Brittanya, Brittanya slept with 20 Pack - etc. Things are already looking sloppy, and its not even elimination yet.

When elimination arrives, it becomes pretty clear who is unsafe going in - Mamacita and Marcia are on the chopping block, as is Cheezy and Punisher. Blonde Baller made a deal with Francisco that if he didn't pick Marcia, she wouldn't select Punisher, thus getting rid of two tough competitors of their same gender. Although it looks like Blonde Baller is going to keep up her end of the bargain, she ends up pulling Punisher onto her team, thus making her team much stronger then Francisco's. Francisco is livid, and chooses Marcia to be on his team.

Blonde Baller gets last pick of two men - Brooklyn and Cheezy. Honestly, I don't know why Brooklyn was in the bottom two. He seems large and athletic, and could possibly be an asset. In the end, however, Blonde Baller picks Brooklyn, thus breaking her second deal of the night, showing her to be the shady character we already knew she was.

It comes down to Cornfed and Mamacita. Francisco chooses Cornfed based on Mamacita's sloppiness and inability to pull herself together for a nanosecond. She ends her time in Mexico with one of the best rants of all time, "Look at me! Loooook at meeeee!"

End result? Both these kids eliminated:

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Stay tuned for more info. I promise my next update will be livelier, and more timely.

And, oh yeah - You can watch the full episode without commercials here. Enjoy! Read more!

Gay Hipster

Haven't done one of these in a while - and, to be honest, I don't even know if this model is gay. But he sure is cute, isn't he?

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Read more!

Dancing for Gender Equality

Two guys (at least one of them is a porn star, I'm sure) dancing for gender equality. Apparently, there is an abundance of videos of girls dancing in their underwear on Youtube, but videos of men dancing in their underwear are almost instantly taken down.

These two good looking guys try to fight the system by dancing identically to two girls in another video - which conveniently pops up in the top right corner of the screen.

Have fun watching this one, although I don't recommend doing it at work!

Read more!

Optimus Prime VS. Jesus

I know we've all wondered who would win. But this chart breaks it down, and there is actually a pretty clear winner. Enjoy.

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Read more!

One Night Stand

A short film by Jack Tew and David Humphreys. Very cute, and yeah ... "been there, done that."

One Night Stand from Jack Tew on Vimeo.



Enjoy! Read more!

Hipster Superheroes

So cute! Which ones are your favorites? I love Xavier the best.

Iron Man
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Xavier
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Aquaman
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Wonderwoman
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Spiderman
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The Hulk
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Taken from College Humor here. Read more!

I Love Money 4 Cast

Part of the reason (aside from laziness) I stopped doing the I Love Money 3 episode recaps is because season 4 is upon us - starting tonight at 11pm (set your DVRs, folks). Although I'm not a huge fan of the cast, I look forward to tuning in. There will surely be an update later this week on how the episode went. So, the cast:

20 Pack (I Love New York 2)
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6 Gauge (Daisy of Love)
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Alex (Megan Wants a Millionaire)
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Blonde Baller (Real Chance of Love 2)
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Brittanya (Rock of Love Bus)
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Brooklyn (Daisy of Love)
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Cheezy (I Love New York 2)
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Chi Chi (Daisy of Love)
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Corn Fed (Real Chance of Love)
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Feisty (For the Love of Ray J)
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Francisco (Megan Wants a Millionaire)
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Garth (Megan Wants a Millionaire)
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Hot Wings (Real Chance of Love 2)
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Mamacita (Real Chance of Love 2)
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Marcia (Rock of Love Bus)
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Mindy (Rock of Love Bus)
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The Punisher (Megan Wants a Millionaire)
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Sassy (Real Chance of Love 2)
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Hot! I'm looking forward to it. Who are your picks to win? If you haven't seen it yet, here's the trailer, too:

Read more!

The Congressional Hispanic Caucus Gala

It was great. I met Amaya after work yesterday after changing in my office into a suit. I also got a fresh new haircut (I'm growing a pompadour) and felt really sharp in my skinny suit and skinny tie. Amaya was wearing a great red cocktail dress with pretty detailing on the shoulders and straps.

The gala itself was huge, but beautiful. The lighting was perfect, and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. I almost immediately bumped into my boss, her two friends, and a business partner I have talked to on multiple occasions. After Amaya and I beelined it for the (open) bar, we ran into my mom's best friend Terri, a glamorous Republican ex-beauty queen turned events coordinator, and her handsome and wealthy husband Michael. We talked to them for a while. When Michael and I went to grab our ladies another round of drinks, one of the people staffing the event tried to hustle Amaya and Terri to their seats. Terri, being the diva she is, snapped at the worker, saying, "We're waiting for our husbands!"

Cue: the theme for the rest of the night.

It was great. My mom was sitting a few tables away with a group of her friends, including an old friend from California I'd never met before, Rebecca.

The President and First Lady were both there, looking great, and as charming as ever. The President gave a long and powerful speech about immigration reform, and touched on Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the Dream Act, which Senator Reid is pushing onto the Senate floor in the coming months.

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I was most inspired by Eva Longoria Parker's speech, in which she told the audience that if we want to see change, then we are going to have to do it ourselves.

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Amaya and I were fiending for alcohol pretty hard. When we drank the two bottles on our table, we started scouting other tables for untapped adult grape juice. Not too far away, there was a mostly full bottle of white wine on a mostly empty table. Amaya and I had sarcastically been referring to the one guy who remained Tokio Hotel because of his ridiculous haircut and outfit. We considered asking Tokio Hotel for his bottle, but didn't.

Glad we didn't, because he ended up being Elvis Crespo. Remember, Elvis Crespo?



Nuts. Anyway, Elvis Crespo/Tokio Hotel got on stage to perform, and my mom pawned her friend Rebecca onto us, as Rebecca wanted to stay out and party. We ended up dancing and drinking some more before cutting out.

Here are the last shots of the night. There was a red carpet, so naturally, we pretended to be paparazzi and take snapshots of each other. We kept shouting to each other, "Amaya!? Amaya?! Who are you wearing?" It became such a hit that people started asking us to take pictures of them and create the same fanfare. It was fun.

Amaya in all her glory.

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Rebecca, my mom's divalicious friend.

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Me, of course, in a skinny suit and a skinny tie and the beginning of my pompadour.

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I won't mention going to Pink Sock afterwards, seeing Lance, and flirting with a guy named Dmitri, only to introduce him as Vladimir to Lance. Whoops. Petty petty kids these days. Read more!

An Age Old Question...

...now finally answered with this helpful chart. Thanks, guys!

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Read more!

Scaring Myself Update

Wow, its been a while since I last updated. Sorry about that, kids. I guess I've just been really busy with work and with visitors (Nati and Jijad were both here last week). I'm actually having lunch with Jijad in a little bit. Then I have a haircut. My toupee is getting out of control.

Things have been good, mostly, I suppose. Every time I feel like complaining about something I realize that 99% of things in my life are in order. I have a great job. I have great friends. My family is pretty awesome and they're all healthy. I have money in my account. Peachy.

This week has been crazy because there has been so much going on. Monday night I did happy hour with Jijad and it ended with me blacking out and chatting with Ryan late at night, telling him more than I probably should have. Ryan, for those of you who don't know, is one of my good friends and neighbors. I trust him and know he doesn't judge me, but I told him things about Lance and I that probably shouldn't have. No, not probably - definitely shouldn't have. I read the chat in the morning at work and cringed.

Its amazing how good I've become at getting wasted and then waking up and getting through the day without a hangover or so much as an aversion to bright lights. Its actually a little scary. Especially since last night, I did almost the same thing.

Didn't black out, but saw Of Montreal and was introduced to this great singer, Janelle Monae.



I went with Kali, Cannon, and some of their friends. Lance was there, too, of course. He looked handsome, with his hair cut short. We exchanged a few sentences, but I don't consider loud concert venues a good place to "catch up." We parted ways. The whole time I wished I was with him.

Ended up going home shortly after the concert, but Of Montreal played a long set and I didn't end up getting home until about 11:30 or midnight. By then, Davida and Dana were already asleep. I ate one of Dan's fruit popsicles and went to bed without brushing my teeth. I just don't really give a fuck right now.

Tonight is the Congressional Hispanic Caucus. My suit has been hanging in the office closet since last week when I wore it to the press release. Its ready to roll again.

Amaya is my date. She's wearing a red cocktail dress, "for the Latinos," as her boss said. It should be fun.

I just hope I don't black out again. Alcohol has become my refuge of choice. Need to watch that. Read more!