I Love Money 4: Episode 1 Recap

So, I Love Money 4 premiered last week (actually, exactly a week ago) and I have yet to update on it for no good reason other than laziness. So here we go.

As per usual, Craig Jackson's voice introduces the characters as the burned rejects from previous assorted Vh1 programming - namely, the "of love" shows and their spin-offs. Something I noticed right off the bat (and with the trailer) was that there were noticeably no Flavor of Love girls. Breaking my heart, here, Vh1. Breaking my heart.

However, there are some "colorful" characters on the show. Mamacita, the flamboyant Mexican chick from Real Chance of Love 2 makes her television redebut, as well as Brittanya, one of my personal favorites from Rock of Love Bus.

There are eighteen players who arrive on the beach to begin the game, which is an unusual number for I Love Money. In previous seasons, an odd number of players arrives, and one is left out at the end of the episode when the winners of the challenge select their teams in a dodge-ball style round of elimination.

The first challenge is on the beach, and is a battle within the sexes - referred to as the Safecracker Challenge. The players, in two heats - male, then female - must spin a bar around until a safe cracks open. Then, they have to grab a handle inside the safe to open another safe which contains money to be counted - which adds up the combination number of the last safe. The NEXT safe contains rope which they have to use to pull yet another safe high into the air to drop onto the ground. The last key detonates the final safe, releasing a flag which denotes which colored team they are on. There will be one female captain, and one male captain.

On the men's heat, Cheezy, Alex and Garth prove to be the weakest men. Francisco, from Megan Wants a Millionaire, manages to become team captain. During the women's heat, Cornfed, Mindy, and Mamacita are the slowest and are eliminated first. IN the end, however, Blonde Baller wins the challenge.

Green Team Captain versus. Gold Team Captain
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When the cast gets to the mansion where they will be living (for as many episodes as they last), the scheming, ass-kissing, and back-stabbing that made us grow so fond of these shady characters in the first place immediately begins. Punisher, who is no fan of Francisco, vows to have his back. Brittanya is all over Blonde Baller, as is Cheezy, who feels the need to drink a lot of tequila "to keep up" and "prove" he is tough. Other characters get into fights with one another, like Marcia and Mamacita, who cannot seem to get along despite quite possibly being the same exact person.

Of course, there is also flirtation - Mindy wants Francisco, Mamacita wants Alex, Chi Chi wants Brittanya, Brittanya slept with 20 Pack - etc. Things are already looking sloppy, and its not even elimination yet.

When elimination arrives, it becomes pretty clear who is unsafe going in - Mamacita and Marcia are on the chopping block, as is Cheezy and Punisher. Blonde Baller made a deal with Francisco that if he didn't pick Marcia, she wouldn't select Punisher, thus getting rid of two tough competitors of their same gender. Although it looks like Blonde Baller is going to keep up her end of the bargain, she ends up pulling Punisher onto her team, thus making her team much stronger then Francisco's. Francisco is livid, and chooses Marcia to be on his team.

Blonde Baller gets last pick of two men - Brooklyn and Cheezy. Honestly, I don't know why Brooklyn was in the bottom two. He seems large and athletic, and could possibly be an asset. In the end, however, Blonde Baller picks Brooklyn, thus breaking her second deal of the night, showing her to be the shady character we already knew she was.

It comes down to Cornfed and Mamacita. Francisco chooses Cornfed based on Mamacita's sloppiness and inability to pull herself together for a nanosecond. She ends her time in Mexico with one of the best rants of all time, "Look at me! Loooook at meeeee!"

End result? Both these kids eliminated:

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Stay tuned for more info. I promise my next update will be livelier, and more timely.

And, oh yeah - You can watch the full episode without commercials here. Enjoy!

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