Which Dolores Park are you?

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Which Dolores Park Are You?

I have observed that Dolores Park is segmented into several distinct and (sub) culturally consistent sections.

A. Hipster Valley
The Northeast corner of the Park (Dolores and 17th) is the realm of the Hipster. I suspect this is because while they can manage the walk from Valencia to Dolores they are too hung-over to make it up the hill.
Do bring: Bike, Enormous Sunglasses, Skinny jeans that show your butt crack when you sit down, Wear black and more black something army-looking works too, Ipods, beer and small speakers are encouraged.
Tips: Sit directly on grass + look bored.
Suggested canine companion: Chihuahuas, mixed breed rescues, and friendly beer drinking pit bulls in bandanas

B. Jocks, Bros and Hos
Weekend warriors, dodge ball players, soccer fans, etc…
Do bring: Spandex, knee pads and some sort of ball to chase around.
Tips: be excessively perky and organized.
Suggested Canine Companion: Golden retriever

C. Latin American Club
The locals. Watching the scene and laughing.
Do Bring: Beer, your homies, your dog

D. The bathrooms
I have only had the pleasure once, but I heard nothing good happens in this place.
Do bring: protection, toilet paper (wet naps if you are tender), a sense of balance and humor

E. Gay cruising + Sunbathing section
Bring: a towel, multi-purpose oils, a thong.
Leave at home: your boyfriend or life partner
Suggested Canine Companion: Pug, French Bulldog

F. Kids and picnickers
bring: diapers, sporks + wet naps
Suggested Canine Companion: none, the kids are enough trouble

G. Geek Section
This seems to be the spot where the digirati can be found
Bring: Food to share, sunscreen, your laptop with VZAccess PCMCIA Card because the free wireless signals are crap and your best portable devices to show off.

H. Hipster overflow and family outing section

I. Scary drunks and Hobo section
Bring: Bags full of bottles for recycling, Old English or Night Train and your invisible friend.

My favorite part of the park is part E. But this was waaay before I was a hipster, or gay. Promise.

Credit due here.

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