Finally Hit That Wall Update

Yesterday was a total freakshow disaster. Where to even start?

The entire day, I was really excited to see Lance. On Monday, we discussed getting together, as it was his only night off. I asked him to recommend a place, and he said Founding Farmers, which is on the other side of town of where we both live. I said okay. I told him I would drive. Plans set.

Around five, after work, I texted and called Lance to see where he was. Nothing. He finally calls me a half hour later to tell me that he's in southeast at a pool (he probably meant Beaumont's in southwest, but whatever) and that he'll call when he's ready. I ask him about what time that would be, and he proceeds to ramble on about how it'll be later - around 8:30 or 9. This immediately kind of ticks me off, because I know he has a staff meeting at the Heights at 10:30, so that only gives us a couple of hours to get to a restaurant across town, eat, and get back. He also says that he invited Ryan and Reisa, his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend, so maybe we should go somewhere closer so I wouldn't have to drive. Again, agitated.

I tell him that I thought it was just going to be the two of us, and he proceeds to tell me that he hasn't seen them in a really long time. Let me remind you that he just got back last week from a two week road trip with the two of them. And he lives with Ryan. I feel hurt at this point, since he has not only completely disregarded our plans (which he simply says "was just a suggestion, not an actual plan"), but he also seems to not want to get to know me better. He ends this lovely telephone conversation by saying it can just be the two of us, but he and Ryan have to have a meeting with Gladys, his landlord who lives upstairs, around 8.

Peeved and exhausted at this point, I tell him fine, and to call me when he's ready. He says he'll give me a one-hour heads up. I lay back and fall asleep until 7:30.

I get up and wait around until about 8:15 to get ready. Finally, I pull myself together. Lance proceeds to text me. And I quote:

Lance: Gladys made dinner for our meeting!
Does this mean I should get dinner?
Ahh, yeah don't go hungry.

I'm fuming. I respond:

Me: I'm already hungry I've been waiting on you to have dinner.

I'm pretty sure he understands how angry I am at this point, because he does not respond to my text. I finally head out to Meridian Pint and have dinner by myself at the bar, texting this fact to Amaya, who, bless her big heart, came almost immediately and sat with me. I nearly cried.

We went over to Commonwealth afterwards and I was able to talk it out with Amaya and laugh, but am still fuming because Lance has not texted or called me. Finally, 10:30 rolls around - Lance is at his meeting at the Heights. Thinking we're clear to grab a nightcap at Wonderland before they all get out of their meeting, Amaya and I head over around 11:15 only to run into Lance and the rest of the Heights crew.

Amaya and I sit at one end of the bar and Amaya finally tells me to talk to Lance. I go over and ask for a few minutes of his time, and we sit at a booth and talk. It ends with me practically screaming at Lance about how I'm not crazy, I just want to know how he feels about how things are going. He says that he never realized I was so unhappy, that he thought things were going great, and he's not punishing me for our falling out a month ago. He says that we are still getting to know each other and he's certainly not sure anymore that he knows anything about me. I tell him he never gives us a chance to get to know each other. I tell him I care about him so much, and that there is no one else, and that I make it very clear that I am into him, whereas he does not reciprocate. He does not know what to say to this. He says that maybe we just show affection in different ways. Finally, I put him on the spot and tell him to show me, in any way he can, that he gives a damn.

He can't.

We sit there in silence, looking at each other for a bit, not knowing what to say. I told him that before this disaster of a night happened, I was going to ask him to be my boyfriend. That's why I wanted us to be alone. He looked genuinely surprised, but still didn't say anything. I asked him if it was the end, then, and he couldn't answer that question, either. We left things at that. I had to leave shortly thereafter to save whatever shreds of dignity I had left after completely losing my cool at Wonderland in front of a bunch of our mutual friends (including Brett, Sheena, Stephanie and Cannon).

Its over on this end. If he wants to continue, then he's going to have to be the one to initiate it.