Hitting a Wall Update

I think I am falling in love with Lance.

Ever since getting back from San Francisco, my feelings for him have only multiplied. Its really scary. I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time.

What makes it more of a challenge than a plus is that he's not very emotional or demonstrative, and it makes me worry that he may not be feeling the same way towards me. I don't like feeling possessive and crazy, either, which is exactly how feeling this way makes me act. Maybe a little obsessive, too.

Like I said, its been a while. I like to keep a window open to jump out of when it starts to get this intense, but I fear that I've finally closed that window - or like its going to be one of those windows you have to shimmy your way out of, like on an airplane. Tomorrow night we have dinner plans and I feel like its the perfect opportunity to actually come clean about how I feel, but I also realize that its not cute to put all your feelings on the table.

I just need to know whether or not he feels the same way towards me. Its getting make or break right now, and I can't go on not knowing whether he likes me or not. Its so easy to fall into a situation where you're afraid to talk about feelings and things, and I don't want to get there with him. Its been a long time since I've cared about someone to this magnitude. It's been a long time since its felt like my heart was actually at stake. I didn't even risk my heart with Rob. I broke up with Rob to prevent something like this from happening.

Just like I may end things with Lance tomorrow for the same reason.

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