Moving on

I'm not really upset that my sister is moving back to San Francisco tomorrow, but I am feeling really melancholy about the whole thing. Its the end of an era, as she said - we knew this day was coming. Maybe I feel a little bit jealous, but I know I'll get back there someday, too. I mostly think its just hard for me to imagine DC without her anymore. She's been such a big part of my life out here.

I try to imagine life back in San Francisco before DC, and I can't remember how close we were before moving out here. I think we were close - we always have been. But I think being marooned here on the east coast together has pushed us closer than we could have imagined. She's a great sense of stability and consistency in my life that I haven't always had, and who has certainly made living out here, 3000 miles away from my home, okay.

With friendships, its the same. I feel like I have good friends but my best friends live in San Francisco and my closest friends right now live in DC. I don't know how that will all change when I leave, if it will at all. I don't know if I will be missed out here, as much as I miss my friends back home.

I guess what I'm really worried about is always feeling like half of my life is somewhere else than where I presently am. I'm glad that my sister moving has opened my eyes to this situation, and to the people who I consider friends. I think that what is really bothering me is that I'm starting to see holes in some of my friendships, and I'm starting to see a consistency in the people who have been there for a while.

I want to be where I am, not wish I were elsewhere. And tonight, I realize where that is.

1 comment:

MellyG said...

OH Shit DJ!!!

We got some discuss'n to do!