Merger

Things are different, now. I feel different. I'm a different person, I look different. I imagine if I licked the inside of my arm or the palm of my hand or if I sucked on one of my fingers, I'd taste different.

Maybe I look different because I haven't cut my hair. And maybe I taste different because of this German diet I'm on. Who knows. But the other stuff - about my insides, and what color they must be now because I don't think Washington, DC will be the same when I get back ... well, I don't know how to explain that. All I know is that everything has changed within the past seven weeks. And they're only changing more.

I'm looking into things to apply for when I get back. I don't see any point in applying to things out here. I'm also writing a ton. I've also picked up my running schedule again, which is nice. Katja lent me some jogging pants to get me through the freezing rain and the cold, miserable streets of autumnal Berlin. I'm keeping myself busy, because I realize my time here is running out and I want something to show for it.

I'm sorry for neglecting to update you all on what is happening in my life. I guess for the past couple of weeks now, I haven't even been able to figure it out. But I realize that makes me sound like a victim much more than I'd like to consider myself, so I retract that. I take it all back.

I know I need a new path, I just want someone to show me.