Ex-Lovers Update

I guess I'm writing here because I realize I don't really use any outlets anymore to express how I feel. My friends have become a number one resource, but I get the feeling sometimes that most of them are tired of hearing about the same old shit, day in and day out. They think I sound crazy when I speak, they should be in my head. They wouldn't know what to think.

So much has happened in my last update. I've celebrated my favorite holiday (Halloween), had two of my best friends from California visit (Melissa and Angela), been on several (good) dates, and things with Lance don't show any sign of getting less complicated any time soon. As fate would have it, a can of worms is only good if it spills all over the place and makes a big mess. In this case, I'm the one who has kicked over the can, thrown it against the wall and splattered the contents all over my face.

I suppose I should be less harsh on myself. In the past, exes have told me that I don't take enough responsibility for my actions. Sometimes, when I get into the gory details of the things that go on in my (failed) relationships with my friends, even they tell me the same thing. The drama with Lance was nothing but my fault, and I fully accept that fact. My friends tell me to move on, that I'm a dime, that I'm better than this, etc .... but I keep going back and finding more things that I did wrong. And the more I find things that I did wrong, the more I want to forgive and go back and make things right.

Sorry to keep things so vague in this post. I suppose there are far too many details to cover, and I want to keep this post relatively short. It does feel good to get some of this out, though. I think I should update more often again. Especially since I sit in front of a desk 8 - 10 hours a day these days.

1 comment:

MellyG said...

but you are a dime...