Being Green Vs. Having Nice Teeth

Okay, so a major gripe I have with environmentalism is that all roads eventually lead us all towards having horrific teeth. And that is just something I cannot do.

For example, straws:

Straws are terrible for the environment because they are made of plastic and we tend to use them like they are political rights. Many of us are peeved when we are forced to drink something with ice in it without a straw, or when the option isn't simply there regardless of whether we want or need one at all. Cocktail straws are the worst - because bartenders, and douchebags who grab their own garnishes like they're at a salad bar, will often put more than one of the tiny suckers into their cocktail to promote a faster drinking rate. Fail.

I got into the habit of never taking or using a straw a few years ago, but I've realized that my tranny lifestyle has me drinking things that are terrible for my teeth - coffee, soda, and red wine, just to name a few. The way many people get around at least two of these teeth-staining beverages is by using a straw (although I have seen a few people sucking down pinot noir with straws, eek!). Now, straw-using is not something that I want to get into the habit of again, but it seems inevitable that if I want to save the last vestige of pearly white my canines have to offer, then I'm going to have to do a lot more than simply skipping out on my next Americano. A whole lifestyle change is in order.

According to the New York Times, Americans have worst teeth than they did a decade ago. I'd like to see how the power struggle between health care reform and Obama's promises of more green jobs will affect what my teeth look like in ten more years.

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