Respect

I got into a huge fight with my sister and her friends - she said she lost respect for me, that I have a drinking problem, and that I need to get help. I guess its only fair.

The problem is, things don't just happen. They happen for a reason. I wish I knew the reason for this. Maybe its an intervention. I felt like I had a right to be angry, but I suppose I only have a right to make bad decisions and deal with the consequences. Its almost nice that I'm over here in San Francisco, away from my old life - the life she lives, the life I now lead.

Sometimes, I fantasize about disappearing. Just moving away someplace without letting anyone know - just a truck with some belongings, some money in the bank and my wallet, and just moving. I wouldn't take anyone with me, I wouldn't leave anything behind - just some notes letting people know that I was going to be okay, that I just needed to leave. No one would really understand. But thats something I deal with here, anyway.

I would start fresh. Maybe change my name. Get a new occupation somewhere, maybe learn something about horses or racing or trucking. Maybe become a cop. Maybe date a cop. Maybe stop being so negative and just admire the beauty of the world and not think so much about the past.