Keeping Up With Julian

Good Times, Bad Times

2011-01-26T16:32:00.003+01:00

I've been avoiding the weight scale in my bathroom until today. I finally decided to see what a sloppy pig I've become. I stood there, in my underwear, taking off my glasses and setting them on the side (as though that would make a difference). I looked straight ahead at the wall, afraid of what the scale might say. Finally, it beeped. It was ready to call me fat and offer me a plate of donuts, which I would gladly scarf down.

I pulled my glasses back on, stepped back, and looked down.

167.4 lbs.

Shit.

The most I've ever weighed my entire life. Since senior year of high school, I've hovered around the 150-155 range. When we got the scale a couple of months back, I was devastated to learn I had gained 7-12 pounds (I weighed in at 162 back in October/November). But really? 12-17 pounds, now? That's a bit much.

I always knew my tranny lifestyle would be my demise. So much partying, booze, cake, food, indulgence - the recent arrival of Manny and Olga's in my neighborhood hasn't helped, either, I'm sure. That, paired with the bad weather which makes it impossible for me to want to trudge to the gym has left me two babies heavier. Gross.

I'm going to Miami next month and really don't want to be the gross fat guy at the beach. I mean, I know I'm far from it, I still look like I'm in shape and healthy, but I don't feel good about it. I need to make some serious life changes to get back on track. I just need to figure out where I can cut out some of my indulgences to really make a difference.

Goodbye, double bacon cheeseburgers and 4am 5-topping pizzas. Hello, Paleolithic diet.

Letter to My Dad

2011-01-11T18:08:00.000+01:00

Dad:

Its been a long time since we talked. I wanted to talk to you in person and was waiting to reach out to you in Fresno, but since that didn't happen, I suppose I can just put my thoughts and feelings into an email and be done with it.

I am very saddened by your relocation to San Diego. When we had dinner that night at Hunan in July, your news hit me like a bus. I tried to keep a game face, I tried to be happy for you, but something within me felt wrong and I didn't know how to verbalize what I felt. I thought it stupid to do something like get up and leave or say something snarky to you, which my instincts were telling me to do. But the more I mulled it over, the more I realized what had been bothering me.

First and foremost, I can't speak to the loneliness you must have felt the past ten years since your separation from mom. I have witnessed some of it firsthand, but most of the loneliness I saw was watching mom go through it (and continue to go through it).

Over the past few years, mostly since moving to Washington, DC, I felt like I had a good relationship with you. I felt closer to you than I ever have in my entire life, and it was ironic, because we lived so far apart. I really began to feel like I could trust you and like I really had you in my life in a way I never felt. I know Nati felt the same. In fact, Nati felt it so strongly that she decided to move away from Washington, DC, from mom and I and even Jijad, to be closer to you.

When you told us you were moving, it was really disturbing not only because the girl you are now living with (I presume) is so young, but because you did it despite Nati moving back to California to be nearer to you. The past few months have really played a psychological number on Nati and I - especially Nati, but me, as well.

I would be happy for you if you met someone else, but not the way you picked up and left - again. When you left in 2001 you said you did it because something had to change between you and mom, but what you always fail to acknowledge is you left Nati and I, as well. I don't know if you even remember this, but it was only a month and a half after I told you, mom and Nati that I was "questioning" my sexuality. I felt VERY responsible for you leaving. We've never talked about that.

There has been a hole there that I thought we were working on fixing. Now I feel like the last few years have been nothing but a lie. I know Nati feels the same.

I am reaching out to you for no other reason than to demonstrate I care. It saddens me that if Nati and I don't try to reach out to you, you don't reach out to us. It saddens me that you give up so quickly on us. It saddens me that you don't seem to want to fight for us. It saddens me that you have washed your hands of both of us and it doesn't even seem to compute with you that we have no role in your life anymore.

I wish that things were different between us, every day, but I also can't help but feel like this girl you are with is some kind of replacement for Nati and I. I wish you were there on Christmas. I know Nati does, too.

You are always the first to say that we need to stick together because we are a family, but you have seemingly replaced us. And that really sucks. I will only ever have one dad. Christmas this year was very different because you weren't there. Maybe you need to hear that. Maybe Nati and I haven't ever expressed enough to you how needed you are. I'm sorry we haven't shown you enough.

Its only fair that you know why I wasn't speaking to you last fall. I hope you are happy, and I hope you have found a family in that girl that Nati and I, nor anyone else, has been able to give you.

Love, Julian

Trenz: Elf Boots in Mexico!

2011-01-10T21:27:00.003+01:00

This is a hot new look that is all the rage in Mexico right now (pronounced meh-hee-ko in that sentence). They're calling them "las botas mas picudas." Where can I get some?!

Hot!

2011-01-10T20:44:00.002+01:00

I really hate it when dread, the weather, a looming deadline, or anything else makes me wish the future would come more quickly. It usually happens unconsciously, and only identified later on down the road - when you look back in December and wonder where the year went. I'm always waiting for the weekend or for a holiday or vacation or a visit from friends and before I know it, its halfway through the year and I haven't been at my optimal, my most productive. I need to cut that out. I need to remember that every day is a day where anything can be possible.

On that note, things have been good. I FINALLY broke up with Four Loko, the alcoholic and caffeinated beverage my roommate Dana and I have been obsessed with. Over the weekend Davida (who we nicknamed Brittanya) wanted to party Four Loko style with us and brought up the interesting point that the caffeine was removed from them. I checked it out and turns out she's right, which minimized approximately 95% of its appeal to me. Guess its back to whiskey coke and tequila sodas for me.

This week should be an interesting one - over the weekend we're celebrating Light Lindsay's birthday at the St. Regis - probably one of the bougiest birthday celebrations any of my friends have ever had. I'm getting ready to spend a pretty penny on that one, which I'm not too thrilled about. My spending habits have been less than ideal lately.

I guess I am always trying to live life to its fullest and in the moment, especially since realizing how much of 2010 I wished I was elsewhere. Time is running out here in DC and I need to enjoy every part of it - even the bitter cold parts, like the ones I'm experiencing right now. We'll see.

Ridiculous Interviews = Musical Goldmine?

2011-01-05T16:28:00.003+01:00

So, anyone who knows me knows that I have a soft spot for Antoine Dodson (I wrote an entry on him a while back - you can check it out here). However, late last year there was another criminal story covered by yet another television station that also became an Internet sensation. I think they should put Diana and Antoine together and send them on a national tour across the country.

Here is the original clip:

Now, for the remix:

And here is a story on what happened after. So epic! Although the song featured in the follow-up story is not the same as the one I enjoyed, it just goes to show you that 2011 will be a goldmine for auto-tune and the news.

Now on Twitter: #lessambitiousmovies

2011-01-05T16:14:00.003+01:00

I'm not a crazy Twitter person like lots of my friends or anything, but once and a while something comes up that is funny or important that I pay attention to. The first real Twitter event that really turned my head was when Michael Jackson died, and Twitter broke the story (TMZ came in a close second).

My latest Twitter obsession? The hashtag #lessambitiousmovies. People all around the world have jumped onboard, changing the name of a movie only slightly to make it "less ambitious" then its original. Here are a few of my favorites. Go over to Twitter and check it out, if you're interested.

Movie Theme Mashups

2011-01-03T17:13:00.003+01:00

A few years ago, a song by Muse named "Knights of Cydonia" came out. I heard it on Live105 in San Francisco when I was driving back home after a late night of partying. The song came on, and I found myself rocking out, stepping on the gas and feeling as free as a cowboy riding a horse. The galloping rhythm really played into some kind of psychological fantasy I had always had been never really fostered until that moment, and I was addicted.

That night, I went home, flipped on my computer and looked up the music video online. To this day, it is still one of my favorite videos - cowboys, robots, unicorns, lasers, red-tailed hawks, kung fu - so many of my favorite things in one video. All the convening themes make little to no sense, but their lack of cohesion works for the song and video. You can check it out here if you're interested.

In any case, there are about three movies coming up which also muddle various themes together, and I'm kind of excited for ALL OF THEM. Check out the trailers here.

Suckerpunch

Cowboys and Aliens

The Warrior's Way

SO excited. Which looks good to you? Or are you skeptical of mashups?

Commitment Issues

2011-01-03T16:41:00.003+01:00

Its no surprise that I haven't been the most committed blogger as of late. Its something I'm gong to really try and work on in 2011 - I've been managing a blog for almost 10 years now, it would be a shame to fall off the map now.

In any case: Happy New Year! Its crazy to think that I've now lived in 4 decades. Without a doubt that makes me sound and feel ancient. My sister is hyper aware of her age and how "old" she is getting (she just turned 26 last month), but I once heard my friend Sophia's mom say that she's proud of her age, and wears it as a badge of accomplishment. Lots of us don't make it to 24, let alone 26.

Things are really good in life right now. I am back at work, getting shit done (present hour excluded). I want to be more assertive and a better leader here, but the only way that is going to happen is if I really focus and prioritize work. I have to admit for the past 8 months its seemed like something marginal, like school always was. But unlike school, I can't skate by with Bs and Cs - I want to ace everything.

New Years resolutions this year are pretty trite - eat healthier, drink less. No more poppers, which was less of a sex drug as it was a party drug at bars with my friends. I want to eat at home more, too, and revert back to my vegetarian roots, at least most of the time. I want to develop my hobbies once again, which includes blogging in the sphere of writing, but also allots space for joining a soccer team, painting, and bike riding through the city. I don't want to limit my social experience to bars anymore, as it has been for about a year and a half. I'm growing old of it and drinking has stopped feeling special. I want to get excited about bars again.

Friendships have never been better. I spent over a week in California and got to spend some quality time with my sister, Melissa, Angela, Nicole and Sophia. I didn't get to see Amar, Sean, Josh, Ingrid or Tyler, which was unfortunate, but the time I would have spent with them probably would have been rushed and marginal, so its probably for the best. Yesterday I had a great brunch with the Linds(a/e)ys and Amaya, which was amazing. My face hurt from laughing. I ended up walking home smiling, with a belly full of food and love.

I'm also seeing a nice boy named Christopher. Its been going frighteningly well, although I'm a little cautious that his attachment to me may be enhanced by his recent arrival here in Washington, DC. I know I need to have a wall up, at least somewhat, but its so easy to just let myself go and enjoy it. Maybe I'll finally master the art of both. We shall see.

In any case, I guess that catches you up. I look forward to writing more in here in 2011, and I hope you join me for the ride.

Gay Sign Language

2010-11-09T16:52:00.003+01:00

This cute guy made a cute video of him signing cute things to his (probably) cute deaf boyfriend. Enjoy.

Ex-Lovers Update

2010-11-09T16:39:00.003+01:00

I guess I'm writing here because I realize I don't really use any outlets anymore to express how I feel. My friends have become a number one resource, but I get the feeling sometimes that most of them are tired of hearing about the same old shit, day in and day out. They think I sound crazy when I speak, they should be in my head. They wouldn't know what to think.

So much has happened in my last update. I've celebrated my favorite holiday (Halloween), had two of my best friends from California visit (Melissa and Angela), been on several (good) dates, and things with Lance don't show any sign of getting less complicated any time soon. As fate would have it, a can of worms is only good if it spills all over the place and makes a big mess. In this case, I'm the one who has kicked over the can, thrown it against the wall and splattered the contents all over my face.

I suppose I should be less harsh on myself. In the past, exes have told me that I don't take enough responsibility for my actions. Sometimes, when I get into the gory details of the things that go on in my (failed) relationships with my friends, even they tell me the same thing. The drama with Lance was nothing but my fault, and I fully accept that fact. My friends tell me to move on, that I'm a dime, that I'm better than this, etc .... but I keep going back and finding more things that I did wrong. And the more I find things that I did wrong, the more I want to forgive and go back and make things right.

Sorry to keep things so vague in this post. I suppose there are far too many details to cover, and I want to keep this post relatively short. It does feel good to get some of this out, though. I think I should update more often again. Especially since I sit in front of a desk 8 - 10 hours a day these days.

12 pics of Aaron Carter lookin' a hot mess

2010-11-01T16:56:00.003+01:00

Just cause I need something to make me laugh on a Monday.

Thrush: An Entire Relationship Told Through Photos

2010-10-25T15:50:00.002+02:00

I love this - its only four minutes long, so check it out. The fact that this film makes me want to say, "been there, done that" at every twist and turn only represents a fraction of why I love it so much.

Thrush from Gabriel Bisset-Smith on Vimeo.

Help! I Need a New Watch!

2010-10-13T17:58:00.003+02:00

Okay, so my usage of the word "need" is a little loose here, but I really want a new watch. Let me know which one you like best.

Also - they are listed, from most expensive to least. Of course, I am leaning towards purchasing the most expensive, but I am also partial to the least expensive - only because of its simplicity. Thoughts?

Halloween: The Poor Decisions Edition

2010-10-13T17:45:00.003+02:00

Every year, my brother Art, my sister and I get really excited about our Halloween costumes and exchange ideas. Some of the ideas are really good. Some of the ideas are really bad. And some of the ideas are really, REALLY bad.

In researching Halloween costumes for this year's festivities, I have found many beautiful disasters that would make any typical "ghost" or "vampire" clichés seem like a more appropriate route. Here are some of them.

Evil Ronald McDonald

A Living Room Transformer

"..."

Planet of the Apes

A ... frog? Or a Leeran from the Animorphs series?

The Little Mermaid and Sebastian

A bloody ninja pad?

Those guys who offered you free candy from their white van?

Antoine Dodson and the American Dream

2010-10-13T15:13:00.003+02:00

So, anyone who knows me well knows I am obsessed with Internet memes. This one, however, has spiraled out of control because of its ridiculous popularity.

This was Antoine Dodson's introduction into the world of the Internet - in interviews since, he has stated that he never in a million years thought his recounting of an attempted rape of his sister would ever be so well-received ... and, well, hilarious.

Here it is:

Now, those nice boys who "Autotune the News" (the Gregory Brothers) became instantaneous fans, and saw an opportunity to create a song out of Dodson's interview. The song became an instant hit, and even sells on iTunes now. Crazy, right? Here's the song:

Amazing. It has since taken it to the next level - that's right, a performance on live TV at the 2010 BET Awards. So proud of you, Dodson, my boy! Watch the performance here, with one of the Gregory Brothers. Love it!

Enjoy! And believe it - dreams really do come true!

Justin Bieber is a presumptuous little piece of shit

2010-09-23T18:18:00.003+02:00

Really, Bieber? Kurt Cobain? You're the Justin Timberlake of your generation - MAYBE. Although I think Lindsay Lohan's fate has its eyes set on you.

I Love Money 4: Episode 1 Recap

2010-09-23T15:12:00.002+02:00

So, I Love Money 4 premiered last week (actually, exactly a week ago) and I have yet to update on it for no good reason other than laziness. So here we go.

As per usual, Craig Jackson's voice introduces the characters as the burned rejects from previous assorted Vh1 programming - namely, the "of love" shows and their spin-offs. Something I noticed right off the bat (and with the trailer) was that there were noticeably no Flavor of Love girls. Breaking my heart, here, Vh1. Breaking my heart.

However, there are some "colorful" characters on the show. Mamacita, the flamboyant Mexican chick from Real Chance of Love 2 makes her television redebut, as well as Brittanya, one of my personal favorites from Rock of Love Bus.

There are eighteen players who arrive on the beach to begin the game, which is an unusual number for I Love Money. In previous seasons, an odd number of players arrives, and one is left out at the end of the episode when the winners of the challenge select their teams in a dodge-ball style round of elimination.

The first challenge is on the beach, and is a battle within the sexes - referred to as the Safecracker Challenge. The players, in two heats - male, then female - must spin a bar around until a safe cracks open. Then, they have to grab a handle inside the safe to open another safe which contains money to be counted - which adds up the combination number of the last safe. The NEXT safe contains rope which they have to use to pull yet another safe high into the air to drop onto the ground. The last key detonates the final safe, releasing a flag which denotes which colored team they are on. There will be one female captain, and one male captain.

On the men's heat, Cheezy, Alex and Garth prove to be the weakest men. Francisco, from Megan Wants a Millionaire, manages to become team captain. During the women's heat, Cornfed, Mindy, and Mamacita are the slowest and are eliminated first. IN the end, however, Blonde Baller wins the challenge.

Green Team Captain versus. Gold Team Captain

When the cast gets to the mansion where they will be living (for as many episodes as they last), the scheming, ass-kissing, and back-stabbing that made us grow so fond of these shady characters in the first place immediately begins. Punisher, who is no fan of Francisco, vows to have his back. Brittanya is all over Blonde Baller, as is Cheezy, who feels the need to drink a lot of tequila "to keep up" and "prove" he is tough. Other characters get into fights with one another, like Marcia and Mamacita, who cannot seem to get along despite quite possibly being the same exact person.

Of course, there is also flirtation - Mindy wants Francisco, Mamacita wants Alex, Chi Chi wants Brittanya, Brittanya slept with 20 Pack - etc. Things are already looking sloppy, and its not even elimination yet.

When elimination arrives, it becomes pretty clear who is unsafe going in - Mamacita and Marcia are on the chopping block, as is Cheezy and Punisher. Blonde Baller made a deal with Francisco that if he didn't pick Marcia, she wouldn't select Punisher, thus getting rid of two tough competitors of their same gender. Although it looks like Blonde Baller is going to keep up her end of the bargain, she ends up pulling Punisher onto her team, thus making her team much stronger then Francisco's. Francisco is livid, and chooses Marcia to be on his team.

Blonde Baller gets last pick of two men - Brooklyn and Cheezy. Honestly, I don't know why Brooklyn was in the bottom two. He seems large and athletic, and could possibly be an asset. In the end, however, Blonde Baller picks Brooklyn, thus breaking her second deal of the night, showing her to be the shady character we already knew she was.

It comes down to Cornfed and Mamacita. Francisco chooses Cornfed based on Mamacita's sloppiness and inability to pull herself together for a nanosecond. She ends her time in Mexico with one of the best rants of all time, "Look at me! Loooook at meeeee!"

End result? Both these kids eliminated:

Stay tuned for more info. I promise my next update will be livelier, and more timely.

And, oh yeah - You can watch the full episode without commercials here. Enjoy!

Gay Hipster

2010-09-20T21:48:00.002+02:00

Haven't done one of these in a while - and, to be honest, I don't even know if this model is gay. But he sure is cute, isn't he?

Dancing for Gender Equality

2010-09-20T17:46:00.003+02:00

Two guys (at least one of them is a porn star, I'm sure) dancing for gender equality. Apparently, there is an abundance of videos of girls dancing in their underwear on Youtube, but videos of men dancing in their underwear are almost instantly taken down.

These two good looking guys try to fight the system by dancing identically to two girls in another video - which conveniently pops up in the top right corner of the screen.

Have fun watching this one, although I don't recommend doing it at work!

Optimus Prime VS. Jesus

2010-09-20T17:38:00.002+02:00

I know we've all wondered who would win. But this chart breaks it down, and there is actually a pretty clear winner. Enjoy.

One Night Stand

2010-09-17T21:36:00.002+02:00

A short film by Jack Tew and David Humphreys. Very cute, and yeah ... "been there, done that."

One Night Stand from Jack Tew on Vimeo.

Enjoy!

Hipster Superheroes

2010-09-17T21:31:00.003+02:00

So cute! Which ones are your favorites? I love Xavier the best.

Iron Man

Xavier

Aquaman

Wonderwoman

Spiderman

Batman

The Hulk

Taken from College Humor here.

I Love Money 4 Cast

2010-09-16T17:27:00.003+02:00

Part of the reason (aside from laziness) I stopped doing the I Love Money 3 episode recaps is because season 4 is upon us - starting tonight at 11pm (set your DVRs, folks). Although I'm not a huge fan of the cast, I look forward to tuning in. There will surely be an update later this week on how the episode went. So, the cast:

20 Pack (I Love New York 2)

6 Gauge (Daisy of Love)

Alex (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Blonde Baller (Real Chance of Love 2)
v

Brittanya (Rock of Love Bus)

Brooklyn (Daisy of Love)

Cheezy (I Love New York 2)

Chi Chi (Daisy of Love)

Corn Fed (Real Chance of Love)

Feisty (For the Love of Ray J)

Francisco (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Garth (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Hot Wings (Real Chance of Love 2)

Mamacita (Real Chance of Love 2)

Marcia (Rock of Love Bus)

Mindy (Rock of Love Bus)

The Punisher (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Sassy (Real Chance of Love 2)

Hot! I'm looking forward to it. Who are your picks to win? If you haven't seen it yet, here's the trailer, too:

The Congressional Hispanic Caucus Gala

2010-09-16T16:36:00.004+02:00

It was great. I met Amaya after work yesterday after changing in my office into a suit. I also got a fresh new haircut (I'm growing a pompadour) and felt really sharp in my skinny suit and skinny tie. Amaya was wearing a great red cocktail dress with pretty detailing on the shoulders and straps.

The gala itself was huge, but beautiful. The lighting was perfect, and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. I almost immediately bumped into my boss, her two friends, and a business partner I have talked to on multiple occasions. After Amaya and I beelined it for the (open) bar, we ran into my mom's best friend Terri, a glamorous Republican ex-beauty queen turned events coordinator, and her handsome and wealthy husband Michael. We talked to them for a while. When Michael and I went to grab our ladies another round of drinks, one of the people staffing the event tried to hustle Amaya and Terri to their seats. Terri, being the diva she is, snapped at the worker, saying, "We're waiting for our husbands!"

Cue: the theme for the rest of the night.

It was great. My mom was sitting a few tables away with a group of her friends, including an old friend from California I'd never met before, Rebecca.

The President and First Lady were both there, looking great, and as charming as ever. The President gave a long and powerful speech about immigration reform, and touched on Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the Dream Act, which Senator Reid is pushing onto the Senate floor in the coming months.

I was most inspired by Eva Longoria Parker's speech, in which she told the audience that if we want to see change, then we are going to have to do it ourselves.

Amaya and I were fiending for alcohol pretty hard. When we drank the two bottles on our table, we started scouting other tables for untapped adult grape juice. Not too far away, there was a mostly full bottle of white wine on a mostly empty table. Amaya and I had sarcastically been referring to the one guy who remained Tokio Hotel because of his ridiculous haircut and outfit. We considered asking Tokio Hotel for his bottle, but didn't.

Glad we didn't, because he ended up being Elvis Crespo. Remember, Elvis Crespo?

Nuts. Anyway, Elvis Crespo/Tokio Hotel got on stage to perform, and my mom pawned her friend Rebecca onto us, as Rebecca wanted to stay out and party. We ended up dancing and drinking some more before cutting out.

Here are the last shots of the night. There was a red carpet, so naturally, we pretended to be paparazzi and take snapshots of each other. We kept shouting to each other, "Amaya!? Amaya?! Who are you wearing?" It became such a hit that people started asking us to take pictures of them and create the same fanfare. It was fun.

Amaya in all her glory.

Rebecca, my mom's divalicious friend.

Me, of course, in a skinny suit and a skinny tie and the beginning of my pompadour.

I won't mention going to Pink Sock afterwards, seeing Lance, and flirting with a guy named Dmitri, only to introduce him as Vladimir to Lance. Whoops. Petty petty kids these days.

An Age Old Question...

2010-09-15T21:34:00.000+02:00

...now finally answered with this helpful chart. Thanks, guys!

Scaring Myself Update

2010-09-15T17:30:00.003+02:00

Wow, its been a while since I last updated. Sorry about that, kids. I guess I've just been really busy with work and with visitors (Nati and Jijad were both here last week). I'm actually having lunch with Jijad in a little bit. Then I have a haircut. My toupee is getting out of control.

Things have been good, mostly, I suppose. Every time I feel like complaining about something I realize that 99% of things in my life are in order. I have a great job. I have great friends. My family is pretty awesome and they're all healthy. I have money in my account. Peachy.

This week has been crazy because there has been so much going on. Monday night I did happy hour with Jijad and it ended with me blacking out and chatting with Ryan late at night, telling him more than I probably should have. Ryan, for those of you who don't know, is one of my good friends and neighbors. I trust him and know he doesn't judge me, but I told him things about Lance and I that probably shouldn't have. No, not probably - definitely shouldn't have. I read the chat in the morning at work and cringed.

Its amazing how good I've become at getting wasted and then waking up and getting through the day without a hangover or so much as an aversion to bright lights. Its actually a little scary. Especially since last night, I did almost the same thing.

Didn't black out, but saw Of Montreal and was introduced to this great singer, Janelle Monae.

I went with Kali, Cannon, and some of their friends. Lance was there, too, of course. He looked handsome, with his hair cut short. We exchanged a few sentences, but I don't consider loud concert venues a good place to "catch up." We parted ways. The whole time I wished I was with him.

Ended up going home shortly after the concert, but Of Montreal played a long set and I didn't end up getting home until about 11:30 or midnight. By then, Davida and Dana were already asleep. I ate one of Dan's fruit popsicles and went to bed without brushing my teeth. I just don't really give a fuck right now.

Tonight is the Congressional Hispanic Caucus. My suit has been hanging in the office closet since last week when I wore it to the press release. Its ready to roll again.

Amaya is my date. She's wearing a red cocktail dress, "for the Latinos," as her boss said. It should be fun.

I just hope I don't black out again. Alcohol has become my refuge of choice. Need to watch that.

I Love Money 3: Episode 3

2010-08-24T17:21:00.003+02:00

After the previous challenge, everyone celebrates. No one is really going to miss Cheezy. Ashley points out that she has forged an alliance with Angelique, and that they will whatever they can to keep each other's names out of the box. Spoiler alert! One of them winds up in the box.

The next day, the challenge is a kissing challenge - just like the first two seasons. However, this time, they are hung upside down over water, and must kiss their partner for as long as they can, until one taps out. Team captains are chosen - Mr. Wise for the green team, and Bootz for the gold team.

The gold team is disproportionate and must sit one guy out - Angelique, Ashley, Bootz, Chardonnay, Tiffany, and Mamasita represent the girls, and Chi Chi and The Punisher representing guys. Angelique and Ashley quickly pair up, as neither wants to get stuck with Tiffany. Bootz and Chi Chi pair up, as well as The Punisher and Chardonnay. Mamasita is stuck with Tiffany, who she says she does not want to kiss.

The green team is better matched, with Annie kissing Pretty, Bubbles kissing Mr. Wise, Punk kissing Marcia, Flipper kissing Red Oyster, and Fox kissing Pumkin. Almost immediately, Fox and Pumkin fall off, as well as Mamasita and Tiffany.

Order of elimination:

Fox and Pumkin
Mamasita and Tiffany
Bootz and Chi Chi
Annie and Pretty
Flipper and Red Oyster
Bubbles and Mr. Wise
Chardonnay and The Punisher

It comes down to Angelique and Ashley against Marcia and Punk. Finally, Ashley gives in and falls. Marcia and Punk win. Marcia says it feels good to beat Ashley.

In the vault, the gold team must decide who they want to eliminate. Knowing Mr. Wise is team captain, Chi Chi and Joe say its a no brainer that no guys should go in. They decide to do what's fairest - throw in the girls who lost the challenge. Namely, Mamasita, Bootz, and Ashley. Ashley is thrown back, saying that Tiffany should go in, since she lost first on their team with Mamasita. She begins to see that there is a secret alliance going on, and is outnumbered. She is outraged, and decides that, being betrayed by her team, she's going to go rogue.

Up for elimination:

Mr. Wise gives Ashley her check first, much to the disappointment of the girls on his team. They say that she is a strong competitor, and should be taken out. He gives the second check to Bootz, again angering his team. Mamasita is out. Mr. Wise says he believes in honest competition, and that the weak should be weeded out - somehow hoping that this will be remembered when he is on the chopping block, as he is a strong competitor. He also hopes that getting rid of Mamasita will weaken the Punisher, his biggest competition.

Mamasita's out.

Where Wookies Come From

2010-08-23T20:06:00.003+02:00

Found this online and loved it. It combines two things that get me real geeky real fast: Star Wars and Super Mario Bros.

WTF Was That About Update

2010-08-23T19:35:00.004+02:00

I woke up last night at around 3am shaking and shivering uncontrollably. Its been +85 degrees with nearly 100% humidity for a couple of months now, so to wake up so cold was a shock. I had my window unit at "toda greña" (as my mom would say), and walked out into the hall to go to the bathroom where it was stifling hot, so I'm not sure that it was any colder in my room than normal. In any case, when I went back to my room, I piled on some clothes and hopped under the covers. It took another twenty minutes of shaking and shivering to get up and turn the window unit off.

I was up for about an hour, just tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. Maybe it was because I've had so much on my mind lately. I'm not so sure.

Davida is moving in on Tuesday, and Dana, the new roommate I've chosen, will be stopping by to drop off her rent check. Its exciting but its also nerve wracking, because I've met both once, and they've never met each other. Plus, I may have already unintentionally started some beef between them by inviting Dana to stay even though I know she doesn't like cats. Oh well. We'll see how things pan out.

Other than that, the weekend was pretty uneventful. More to come this week, as tonight, I see Tears for Fears, tomorrow, I get the new roomies, and on Wednesday, I may be getting yet another new tattoo. We'll see.

Happy HUMP Day!

2010-08-18T18:03:00.000+02:00

Just a little something to get you through...

Finally Hit That Wall Update

2010-08-18T17:04:00.004+02:00

Yesterday was a total freakshow disaster. Where to even start?

The entire day, I was really excited to see Lance. On Monday, we discussed getting together, as it was his only night off. I asked him to recommend a place, and he said Founding Farmers, which is on the other side of town of where we both live. I said okay. I told him I would drive. Plans set.

Around five, after work, I texted and called Lance to see where he was. Nothing. He finally calls me a half hour later to tell me that he's in southeast at a pool (he probably meant Beaumont's in southwest, but whatever) and that he'll call when he's ready. I ask him about what time that would be, and he proceeds to ramble on about how it'll be later - around 8:30 or 9. This immediately kind of ticks me off, because I know he has a staff meeting at the Heights at 10:30, so that only gives us a couple of hours to get to a restaurant across town, eat, and get back. He also says that he invited Ryan and Reisa, his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend, so maybe we should go somewhere closer so I wouldn't have to drive. Again, agitated.

I tell him that I thought it was just going to be the two of us, and he proceeds to tell me that he hasn't seen them in a really long time. Let me remind you that he just got back last week from a two week road trip with the two of them. And he lives with Ryan. I feel hurt at this point, since he has not only completely disregarded our plans (which he simply says "was just a suggestion, not an actual plan"), but he also seems to not want to get to know me better. He ends this lovely telephone conversation by saying it can just be the two of us, but he and Ryan have to have a meeting with Gladys, his landlord who lives upstairs, around 8.

Peeved and exhausted at this point, I tell him fine, and to call me when he's ready. He says he'll give me a one-hour heads up. I lay back and fall asleep until 7:30.

I get up and wait around until about 8:15 to get ready. Finally, I pull myself together. Lance proceeds to text me. And I quote:

Lance: Gladys made dinner for our meeting!
Me: Does this mean I should get dinner?
Lance: Ahh, yeah don't go hungry.

I'm fuming. I respond:

Me: I'm already hungry I've been waiting on you to have dinner.

I'm pretty sure he understands how angry I am at this point, because he does not respond to my text. I finally head out to Meridian Pint and have dinner by myself at the bar, texting this fact to Amaya, who, bless her big heart, came almost immediately and sat with me. I nearly cried.

We went over to Commonwealth afterwards and I was able to talk it out with Amaya and laugh, but am still fuming because Lance has not texted or called me. Finally, 10:30 rolls around - Lance is at his meeting at the Heights. Thinking we're clear to grab a nightcap at Wonderland before they all get out of their meeting, Amaya and I head over around 11:15 only to run into Lance and the rest of the Heights crew.

Amaya and I sit at one end of the bar and Amaya finally tells me to talk to Lance. I go over and ask for a few minutes of his time, and we sit at a booth and talk. It ends with me practically screaming at Lance about how I'm not crazy, I just want to know how he feels about how things are going. He says that he never realized I was so unhappy, that he thought things were going great, and he's not punishing me for our falling out a month ago. He says that we are still getting to know each other and he's certainly not sure anymore that he knows anything about me. I tell him he never gives us a chance to get to know each other. I tell him I care about him so much, and that there is no one else, and that I make it very clear that I am into him, whereas he does not reciprocate. He does not know what to say to this. He says that maybe we just show affection in different ways. Finally, I put him on the spot and tell him to show me, in any way he can, that he gives a damn.

He can't.

We sit there in silence, looking at each other for a bit, not knowing what to say. I told him that before this disaster of a night happened, I was going to ask him to be my boyfriend. That's why I wanted us to be alone. He looked genuinely surprised, but still didn't say anything. I asked him if it was the end, then, and he couldn't answer that question, either. We left things at that. I had to leave shortly thereafter to save whatever shreds of dignity I had left after completely losing my cool at Wonderland in front of a bunch of our mutual friends (including Brett, Sheena, Stephanie and Cannon).

Its over on this end. If he wants to continue, then he's going to have to be the one to initiate it.

I Love Money 4 Trailer

2010-08-17T16:38:00.001+02:00

And to follow up my last post concerning the "unaired" I Love Money 3 ... I Love Money 4 trailer! Whee!

I Love Money 3: Episode 2

2010-08-17T16:08:00.002+02:00

So the show starts with Tiffany saying she's going to prove everyone wrong and win this challenge. She also wants to step up as team captain for the gold team.

The gold team decides to allow Tiffany to be captain, as she will void the check of whoever they all decide as she needs to keep her reputation good with the team, or she will be up for elimination if they lose. For the green team, they all decide that Cheezy will be team captain.

The challenge is extremely physical - it requires the team to play together in a basketball-like competition in which there are 15 baskets around at different points of the court, signifying the 15 different "of love" reality shows there have been: Flavor of Love (3), Rock of Love (3), Real Chance of Love (2), For the Love of Ray J (2), I Love New York (2), Daisy of Love (1), Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair (1) and Megan Wants a Millionaire (1). The contestants are given trivia questions, and have to put the basketball into the appropriate show's basket.

The green team is aggressive and cheats mostly, but still manage to lose. Tiffany is proud of her team's victory.

In the vault, the green team has to choose three people up for elimination. Cheezy, knowing that his team will throw him into the box regardless of what happens, volunteers for the box, hoping it will make him look good to the rest of his team. Annie and Bubbles are put into the box as well, outnumbered, despite both having been assets on their teams. Bubbles cries.

The gold team is told their choices for elimination: Annie, Bubbles, and Cheezy.

Tiffany asks her team who they think they should eliminate, and although there is a compelling argument to get rid of Annie because she scored the most baskets, Tiffany and Annie have begun to bond and Tiffany feels conflicted. There is also a motion by the girls on the team to get rid of Cheezy, as he is stronger than most of them.

At the elimination ceremony, Tiffany gives the first check to Bubbles, as she says that she's the least threatening person on the line, and she feels like Bubbles weakens the team more than anything else.

Between Annie and Cheezy, Tiffany says that she thinks she would have trouble going against Annie, and it looks like she's about to void Annie's check. She calls her up and Annie starts to cry. Tiffany hands Annie her check. Cheezy is out.

Tune in next week!

Hitting a Wall Update

2010-08-16T21:15:00.003+02:00

I think I am falling in love with Lance.

Ever since getting back from San Francisco, my feelings for him have only multiplied. Its really scary. I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time.

What makes it more of a challenge than a plus is that he's not very emotional or demonstrative, and it makes me worry that he may not be feeling the same way towards me. I don't like feeling possessive and crazy, either, which is exactly how feeling this way makes me act. Maybe a little obsessive, too.

Like I said, its been a while. I like to keep a window open to jump out of when it starts to get this intense, but I fear that I've finally closed that window - or like its going to be one of those windows you have to shimmy your way out of, like on an airplane. Tomorrow night we have dinner plans and I feel like its the perfect opportunity to actually come clean about how I feel, but I also realize that its not cute to put all your feelings on the table.

I just need to know whether or not he feels the same way towards me. Its getting make or break right now, and I can't go on not knowing whether he likes me or not. Its so easy to fall into a situation where you're afraid to talk about feelings and things, and I don't want to get there with him. Its been a long time since I've cared about someone to this magnitude. It's been a long time since its felt like my heart was actually at stake. I didn't even risk my heart with Rob. I broke up with Rob to prevent something like this from happening.

Just like I may end things with Lance tomorrow for the same reason.

Which Dolores Park are you?

2010-08-16T20:07:00.003+02:00

Loved this:

Which Dolores Park Are You?

I have observed that Dolores Park is segmented into several distinct and (sub) culturally consistent sections.

A. Hipster Valley
The Northeast corner of the Park (Dolores and 17th) is the realm of the Hipster. I suspect this is because while they can manage the walk from Valencia to Dolores they are too hung-over to make it up the hill.
Do bring: Bike, Enormous Sunglasses, Skinny jeans that show your butt crack when you sit down, Wear black and more black something army-looking works too, Ipods, beer and small speakers are encouraged.
Tips: Sit directly on grass + look bored.
Suggested canine companion: Chihuahuas, mixed breed rescues, and friendly beer drinking pit bulls in bandanas

B. Jocks, Bros and Hos
Weekend warriors, dodge ball players, soccer fans, etc…
Do bring: Spandex, knee pads and some sort of ball to chase around.
Tips: be excessively perky and organized.
Suggested Canine Companion: Golden retriever

C. Latin American Club
The locals. Watching the scene and laughing.
Do Bring: Beer, your homies, your dog

D. The bathrooms
I have only had the pleasure once, but I heard nothing good happens in this place.
Do bring: protection, toilet paper (wet naps if you are tender), a sense of balance and humor

E. Gay cruising + Sunbathing section
Bring: a towel, multi-purpose oils, a thong.
Leave at home: your boyfriend or life partner
Suggested Canine Companion: Pug, French Bulldog

F. Kids and picnickers
bring: diapers, sporks + wet naps
Suggested Canine Companion: none, the kids are enough trouble

G. Geek Section
This seems to be the spot where the digirati can be found
Bring: Food to share, sunscreen, your laptop with VZAccess PCMCIA Card because the free wireless signals are crap and your best portable devices to show off.

H. Hipster overflow and family outing section

I. Scary drunks and Hobo section
Bring: Bags full of bottles for recycling, Old English or Night Train and your invisible friend.

My favorite part of the park is part E. But this was waaay before I was a hipster, or gay. Promise.

Credit due here.

Featured Blog: Accidental Dong

2010-08-12T19:59:00.002+02:00

So, I've decided to feature favorite blogs every now and then, since I have so many in my bookmarks folder. The first one featured is run by someone with a dirty mind. Its called "Accidental Dong" and it appeals to any of us who feel slightly guilty when we see something that maybe others don't.

Check out some samples here, but click the link below and follow and become a fan, like I am!

ACCIDENTAL DONG.

Happy HUMP Day!

2010-08-11T17:51:00.001+02:00

Amazing X-Men Print

2010-08-11T17:41:00.002+02:00

You can get it as a t-shirt, a hoodie, or poster. I want one of each.

So, I can figure out (from the top, then clockwise): Cyclops, Colossus, Storm, Nightcrawler, (can't figure out the panther - Rogue, perhaps?), Wolverine, Professor X, Iceman, Beast, and Jean Grey/the Phoenix.

To check it out on threadless.com, or to buy yours, click here.

Tuesday Happy Hour Update

2010-08-11T17:02:00.004+02:00

Last night was pretty ridiculous and fun. Amaya and I have been meeting every Tuesday at Commonwealth for happy hour, since it goes all night and we usually get a fat 50 percent discount on our food because we used to work there. Last week, it turned into a total freak show as Dark Lindsey started stealing food from the kitchen, Amaya said something snarky to Ben, and people started splitting the check a bunch of different ways. Olivia also left very little cash to pay for her food and tip, which was not okay with anyone except me, who gave her the go ahead to do so.

This week, everyone had an issue with our happy hour. Light Lindsay wanted to change the venue because she said Ben was still mad at Dark Lindsey. Olivia got offended at a comment Amaya said regarding her leaving little cash. Sean had to pack his apartment, but "might" meet up, he said. It got really annoying and old very quickly. Amaya and I finally decided to "cancel" happy hour, which meant we still went, but did not invite anyone. It actually turned out really nice, and Dark Lindsey showed up to make amends with Ben.

Afterwards, as we walked to Target so Dark Lindsey could buy a birthday card for a colleague, I hear a voice call my name. I turn around and its Ray, my old boss from Isabella's Ice Cream Parlor in San Francisco.

Let me preface this all by saying that I live in a small city, in an out-of-the-way neighborhood. It was an off night, at an off time. The fact that we would run into each other, 3,000 miles from the place where we met and last saw each other, was just purely mind-blowing. I gave him a huge hug, and I think he was kind of put off by my intoxication. I gave him my number and we made arrangements to catch up, as he lives in Washington, DC with his partner "75% of the time."

Afterwards, we all went to Wonderland, where we met up with Kali. It was truly amazing. Lance also spent the night last night, which was just awesome, even if I was completely hammered by the time he got off work. It's just nice to be back, immersed in life in an east coast city, with good peeps.

Comenzando Lo Que Ya Sabes (Intro)

2010-08-10T16:32:00.001+02:00

This is the intro for a movie I made over seven years ago. Tell me what you think - even if you don't understand Spanish.

I Love Money 3: Episode 1

2010-08-10T16:01:00.005+02:00

So the show starts out like any other episode - the players arrive and check out the house, just before they start checking out the competition. Strategizing starts almost immediately - Donald, the older heavy-set guy from Megan Wants a Millionaire tries to start an alliance almost immediately. He thinks that the weaker guys (and there are a lot this season) should band together to get rid of one of the stronger guys right up front.

The Nerd Alliance is formed - Donald manages to get Cheezy (I Love New York 2), Fox (Daisy of Love), Joe (MWAM), and possibly Flipper (DOL) on his side. They confront the girls to see if any of them want to be on their team. Most refuse - with the exception of Annie (Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair), who is the only to represent her show, as well as Bubbles (Real Chance of Love).

Ashley and Marcia (Rock of Love Bus) decide to form an alliance, as well, but just between the two of them. They overhear Pumkin and Red Oyster (Flavor of Love) talking alliance, as well, and decide that they'll wait for a few challenges to join forces against the other girls.

Mamasita (Real Chance of Love 2), sensing her lack of athleticism as a weakness, decides to flirt and sleep with Punisher (MWAM) in order to stay in the game. She says he has a good chance of winning challenges because of his size, and so she wants to be protected under his wing.

The first challenge comes - an athletic challenge in which the money-lovers must swim to the bottom of a pool and retrieve as many gold chains as they can.

Punisher and Punk are the victors of the challenge, retrieving seventeen gold chains each.

Its a tie - but because two team captains are needed, there is a coin toss to see who will go first in the draft.

The draft is as follows:

Punisher chooses Mr. Wise / Punk chooses Pretty

Punisher chooses Chi Chi / Punk chooses Fox

Punisher chooses Angelique / Punk chooses Pumkin

Punisher chooses Bootz / Punk chooses Red Oyster

Punisher chooses Joe / Punk chooses Cheezy

Punisher chooses Chardonnay / Punk chooses Marcia
'

Punisher chooses Ashley / Punk chooses Annie

Punisher chooses Mamacita / Punk chooses Bubbles

It finally comes down to Donald, Flipper, and Tiffany. Punisher and Punk know that one of the two guys started the Nerd Alliance, and they want to know who. Punisher chooses Tiffany and leaves the decision up to Punk. Flipper throws Donald under the bus by telling Punk and Punisher that he orchestrated the Nerd Alliance. Punk picks Flipper to be on his team, to everyone's surprise. Punisher says that he would have never chosen someone as back-stabbing as Flipper to be on his team. He wanted someone more neutral who doesn't have an agenda just yet - so he chose Tiffany.

Punisher chooses Tiffany / Punk chooses Flipper

DONALD OUT

So that's what happens in episode one! Hang on for episode 2!

OMG Update

2010-08-10T15:05:00.002+02:00

Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home. Lance is home.

Cazwell - Ice Cream Truck

2010-08-06T17:58:00.001+02:00

Cazwell's new video for his song, "Ice Cream Truck." In the words of my friend Cannon: "Um, where is this ice cream truck parked?"

BTDubs - Caz is kind of a butterface, huh?

Still Looking For A New Start Update

2010-08-06T17:28:00.002+02:00

I have a phone interview at 1pm today for a job opportunity in Los Angeles. It will take me closer to home, and it'll be closer to what I actually want to do. Working where I work now is great - I am doing very important work, and am working with some very eloquent, well-educated, well-connected people. But I need to get home to California, and I really want to do something that allows me to use my creativity a little more.

So I am interviewing today. I mean, the only thing I really have tying me here (besides all the fabulous people I've met along the way) is my mother - and she can't be the thing that holds me back from the kinds of things I want. I know she wants what's best for me. I know she'll suck it up and endure. But I'm just really scared.

Anyway, wish me luck. What was meant to be will be.

What will I be like as a Southern Californian?

My Hero! (A series)

2010-08-05T16:46:00.004+02:00

Lots of people have shaped the man I am today (see that? I said "man" instead of "guy" or "boy" or "person"). I think its time to send some recognition their way and show how thankful I am to be who I am. Sometimes, these posts will be serious and other times they'll be funny, but every time, it'll be genuine. A genuine thank you to those assholes who fucked me up over the course of the years and made me the amazing dude I know I am. Yeah, I said amazing.

Morrissey

Oh, Morrissey, you whiny, self-righteous little bitch. How many times (when I was seventeen) did my heart feel like an inflated balloon because you belted out an angsty, egocentric line about how unfortunate you were which I related to? You got me through some tough times.

It all started senior year of high school. I was researching the 80s to set my final film project in that time period, and my beloved film teacher handed me a VHS copy of the Smiths on Top of the Pops. I turned on the video cassette in my apartment and watched, transfixed by the lanky, effeminate young man dancing on stage, swinging his arms around and belting out sad lyrics in a voice that was much older than his body. Long-stemmed flowers stuck out from his back pocket as he peered languidly around at the audience from behind thick-framed glasses. He pressed a hearing aide into his ear and almost sang to it, closing his eyes for a couple of seconds. I was hooked.

For the next few months, I bought everything I could Smiths. I incorporated three of their songs into my film, and even added an M where my parents never put a middle name. After I had wrung the Smiths' discography for all it was worth, I moved onto Morrissey's solo career. Luckily enough for me, the year was 2004 and Morrissey released a new solo CD that year - his best-selling solo album up until that time. It became somewhat of an obsession - a Morrissey-themed birthday, Morrissey-inspired outfits ... I even had a birthday party for him that year. Every chance I could get, his DVD would be playing. I did a report on Piccadilly polari, a language which Morrissey introduced me to, and I even wrote a speech about him in college for a public speaking course I was taking. He was saturated into my life.

Of course, I grew older, and moved away from obsession to enjoy other things in life, but I had been changed fundamentally from then on. I learned that emotions were very valuable - even the ones that are temporary or seem trite. Feeling bad can feel pretty good sometimes, and crying is a good venue for those emotions.

I also learned that confidence is okay to have - and its okay to let it show every now and then. Being who you are can mean a lot of things, but what Morrissey taught me was that no one should dictate or persuade your personality. I really appreciate that about him. Morrissey stands for independence and self-realization, in a world where nothing is certain and nothing is truly original.

Finally, what I learned the most from Morrissey is how to be alone. All of his songs have a deep feeling of loneliness at the bottom of them that seems juvenile and self-depricating, but they're actually very beautiful. He taught me that we're all alone, no matter how surrounded we may be with people who care about us. There is something very communal about being alone, and that is what makes his music so great.

Love you, Moz. My hero!

Happy HUMP Day Video!

2010-08-04T19:24:00.001+02:00

Almost there, baby!

Assistant Update

2010-08-04T18:28:00.003+02:00

Having "assistant" in your title in an office setting automatically makes you everyone's bitch. Even in my office, where I am one of about 8 employees, and contribute far more beyond filing, unlike assistants anywhere else. And I'm not complaining - I'm grateful for my job, for the experience, and to be so heavily involved in all of this.

Its just - today I've had to fix a printer, a MobileMe account, and haven't even had time to lunch or write emails. And its mostly because I'm the only one in the office, but I'm usually the only one in the office because I'm the office bitch. I am marooned here until we hire that executive assistant everyone is certain will be arriving at some point.

Last night was a prime example of how I've begun to deal with the stressful items in my life. I went out and had happy hour (until 10pm) with Lindsay, Dark Lindsay, Sean, Amaya, Olivia, Kyle, and some other girl who I didn't talk to nor learn the name of at Commonwealth. Its nice to have friends who will take your mind off of work, even if they all complain about their works equally. We all get dealt a fair amount of shit. Its how we deal with it that truly characterizes us.

I Love Money 3

2010-08-04T16:33:00.004+02:00

So, I have been pissed about the cancellation of I Love Money 3 for about a year now (thanks, Ryan Jenkins). But I have decided to stop crying about it and create my own fantasy league. I was recently inspired by the World Cup, and by my sister's boyfriend, and any other guy who has created a flow-chart of their favorite teams and players and who they think would win.

So here we go. This week will simply be the reveal of the cast. Next week, we'll start getting into the game.

Alright - so here is the roster! Tell me what you think.

Angelique (Rock of Love 2)

Annie (Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair)

Ashley (Rock of Love Bus)

Bootz (Flavor of Love 2)

Bubbles (Real Chance of Love)

Chardonnay (For the Love of Ray J)

Cheezy (I Love New York 2)

Chi Chi (Daisy of Love)

Donald (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Fox (Daisy of Love)

Flipper (Daisy of Love)

Joe (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Mamacita (Real Chance of Love 2)

Marcia (Rock of Love Bus)

Mr. Wise (I Love New York 2)

Pretty (I Love New York 2)

Pumkin (Flavor of Love)

The Punisher (Megan Wants a Millionaire)

Punk (I Love New York 2)

Red Oyster (Flavor of Love)

Tiffany (Rock of Love)

Alright! All bets on the table!

A Brief History of Reporters Ruining Things

2010-08-03T21:24:00.003+02:00

I'm sure its nice to get publicity for some horrible, time-consuming hobby you may have when no one else appears to appreciates it. However, I'm sure these clips are a clear-cut example of why not all press is good press.

REPORTER DESTROYS ICE SCULPTURE

REPORTER DESTROYS SAND CASTLE

REPORTER DESTROYS JENGA SCULPTURE (Yeah, that's right - a JENGA sculpture)

Anywhere, there is your brief history of reporters ruining things. More to come, I'm sure.

Triceratops A Lie

2010-08-02T20:15:00.002+02:00

By now, you probably have heard the hoop-la that the triceratops was just a younger version of the "torosaurus," a less-popular and larger version of the dinosaur we grew up loving. If you haven't, you can avoid being deleted from my life by catching up here.

In any case, I found this and found it rather fitting.

What next? They're going to come for Raptor Jesus?

Purging Update

2010-08-02T19:52:00.002+02:00

Well, the weekend is over! And what a weekend it was. Lots happened - both here in cyberspace, but also in that little place we call real life. Where to start?

Friday, I went to dinner with my mom and Jijad, as it was Jijad's last night in DC. He flew back to San Francisco on Saturday, after scrambling to pack all his things into two large boxes to be shipped out at a later date. It's weird, just being Dan and I. Dan and I were never the closest of roommates, but we're the last ones left. And I never made a conscious effort to avoid him or not be close with him, but between my work schedule and the other friends in my life I gave priority, it never occurred to me that I didn't really get to know who he was. He leaves at the end of this month, so I am trying hard to bond with him before he does.

I am moving in Jijad and Nati's old room, as it faces the street, has THREE large windows instead of my two, and I can put a chair outside on the roof of our porch and enjoy the sunlight sometimes. At least, until it gets cold.

What else? Howard's birthday on Saturday. We all went to Lindsay's, and hung out on her roof. I got to see Sean - probably one of the last times before he moves away to New York. I also got to see Ben for the first time since I left for California. It was really nice seeing all my old co-workers. I miss working with them so much.

Saturday, my aunt Susie also came into town - my mom's sister. Unfortunately, upon arriving in Washington, she fractured her foot and has to wear a brace for the duration of her trip. Yuck! Not cute. My mom made a joke about leaving her in the hotel room while she shops when they are in New York this week.

As far as online social stuff is concerned, I deleted my Friendster (remember that?), Myspace, and Grindr profiles. I also deleted over 150 people off of my Facebook. I have just been in a mood to purge. I want to have more control over my life, what people see, and who I allow to see that stuff.

Anyway, this post is boring - purely informational, but you know - shit happens.

Busy Update

2010-07-30T21:37:00.002+02:00

Sorry to have lacked in the updates today. I started putting together my I Love Money 3 fantasy league and I started to feel slightly pathetic / I need more time to finish it. At noon, my boss called and gave me a huge project, which I've been furiously trying to finish before she gets here at 4:30pm.

I work for a non-profit here in DC that focuses on getting more Latinos to and through college. Its a great organization - small, but great. I like how it is important work I believe in - not just something that pays the bills (although it does that, too). I get paid next week and I'm so stoked. The pay is pretty much a third percent increase on what I was making at the restaurant. It'll be great to save when I get the new roommates in.

Speaking of new roommates, this weekend is going to get crazy, so I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to update. Tonight mom is taking Jijad and I out to dinner at the Palm before we send him off back to San Francisco. Then, Jijad is doing this crazy going away thing tonight at Wonderland, at which I'm sure I'll get thoroughly trashed. Then, tomorrow, we're having a board meeting here at the office, and I'm expected to take minutes. Not cute.

On Sunday, I'm having five people come in and look at the house, so Saturday after the board meeting I have to go home and clean. Then, its off to Lindsay's for Howard's surprise birthday party. Tomorrow night my aunt Susie also comes into town, and we're probably all going to go somewhere for dinner on Sunday night. Monday is going to be incredibly busy at work, and my boss will probably be in the office with me all day working on this big project. Yikes.

Anyway, boring! Lance has been in Michigan for two days. I miss him a lot.

Question About A Latino Issue

2010-07-29T22:42:00.003+02:00

Question: What do you think is a bigger issue for Latinos today - immigration, or education?

Best American Apparel Underwear Model?

2010-07-29T22:28:00.002+02:00

You decide! I'll take one of each!

Colors, that is! Teehee.

Mel Gibson: Best Gay Boyfriend EVER?!

2010-07-29T17:56:00.002+02:00

Check this video out. It'll make you LOL, especially if you're a pop culture junkie like me.

Lovely Update

2010-07-29T16:30:00.004+02:00

So, since getting back from the west coast, things with Lance have cleared up. We went to Chromeo (AMAZEBALLS, as Lindsay would say) and he kept grabbing me like he forgave me the entire duration of the concert. We went to Wonderland afterwards and it was clear that there was tons of hesitation but we both missed what we had had. I was really surprised when he left with me, and I coaxed him into my house with his gift from California as a bribe.

I bought him his gift at Urban Outfitters in San Francisco, where they had a bay area exclusive t-shirt of a TACO with checkered slip-on Vans, an iPhone, riding a fixed gear. Underneath, it read: THE MISSION. Perfect. I had to explain the shirt to him, but once I told him about it, he loved it. I'd like to think he thought of me as being the taco, and that was the reason he loved it so much. Afterwards, he said he'd like to spend the night.

I cleared off my bed of my suitcase and all the clothes and gifts spewing out of it and we lay on it, facing each other in the soft yellow light. I told him I was sorry, and that my intentions were never to hurt him. I've never been into guys with longer hair (his is eye-length), but I enjoyed brushing it out of my face as we spoke. Lance told me he knew, and that he felt like he had a stronger idea of who I was than to be completely turned off by what had happened. We kissed. It was wonderful, and I woke up with him in my arms. And my "spooky" alarm (his words, not mine) going off at 7:30 AM.

Last night I had a total mental breakdown around 7pm because Lance is going back to Michigan for 2 weeks and I really wanted to see him, but he had to work the dinner shift. I waited around, and finally succumbed to a beer to ease my nerves. I tried to burn off some of my anxiety every way I could - working out, listening to music, a veggie steak and cheese, a beer, watching Terminator: Salvation (which I should review later) - nothing worked. I even considered going out with Steve last night, but he was with a bunch of Heights kids and I wasn't sure if I should go out at risk of seeing Lance and him thinking I was stalking him or something.

As I finished my movie around 11pm, I got a call from Lance, saying he was outside, about to leave for Michigan, and he wanted to say bye. It eased my nerves. I slept like a baby after that.

I haven't acted this way in a long time. What's changed?

Toy Story 3 vs. Inception

2010-07-28T22:07:00.001+02:00

So, I'm hunting for two new roommates (which I will write about later), and one of the potentials wrote in his email that he likes debating lots of things, including why Toy Story 3 is better than Inception, which I am in total concurrence with. So, although that will not likely be a controversy in the house should be become my roomie, I still think its worth debating.

ROUND 1: PLOT

Toy Story 3 is the third in a trilogy, a hard department because the production staff must not only remain loyal to the first two in the series, but also be innovative and bring something new to the table. Inception is the first of what will likely be a series, with absolute freedom over plot because of this, and also because the plot takes place where anything is possible.

Toy Story 3 takes place approximately 10 years after the second film, in which Andy's last toys (Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Jessie, Bullseye, the Potatoheads, Rex, Hamm, the Pizza Planet aliens, Slinky Dog, and Barbie) find themselves donated to a daycare after their owner prepares to leave for college. Along the way, they encounter seemingly harmless toys with insidious intentions, incarceration, a child's room which gives Woody a glance into his past, and a horrific, heart-stopping trip to the city dump. Toy Story 3 is relentless in the best possible way - giving the audience genuine heroes to root for, who all the while wonder how the geniuses at Pixar can make a story about plastic junk so heartfelt. The creators of Toy Story knew they were tapping into good stuff - the bare bones love that a child shares with their toys, which most of us can relate to.

Inception, on the other hand, is a sci-fi thriller about Dominic Cobb, a dream stealer of sorts, in which he and his team (including the handsome Joseph Gordon-Levitt) infiltrate their subject's minds to either get information or implant ideas. Through special effects and the hackneyed usage of "a dream within a dream," the plot gets twisted and lost as entire scenes become irrelevant because they are not real. A thread that runs the course of the film is Cobb's troubled relationship with his wife and her violent death, and his urgency to get home to his children after being expatriated against his will.

ROUND 2: EFFECTS

Lets face it - lots of us go see movies these days to see things that we can't in real life. Special effects have a large role in this. In Toy Story, we are invited into the wild and colorful world of toys, which not only lassos us back into the wonder of being a child, but also makes us think twice about what we throw away. Although made to look more like a cartoon than real life, most of the animation replicates our world in a new and interesting way, and all of it feels authentic. Real expression appears on the faces of the characters, which makes us feel for them that much more. Even though he's a toy made to be played with by kids everywhere, Big Baby (a new character introduced for this film) still seems scary. Very quickly, one forgets they are watching a movie about things that don't actually move and speak, and are brought into the film despite the cartoonish animation.

Inception is hands down one of the most visually interesting films of the year. The key difference between Inception and Toy Story 3 in this regard is that it is live action, and the animation and special effects in some of the scenes are just breathtaking. Towards the end of the film, a fight sequence breaks out in the hallway of a hotel where gravity keeps shifting - probably the coolest fight sequence since the first Matrix film. There is also one scene where "architect" Ariadne (played by Ellen Page) folds a part of the city over in on its other, more physics-oriented half, which can be scene in many of the promotional photos and trailers for the film. Most of the film takes place in a beautiful dream world where anything is possible, however, most of the time the characters (nor the creative directors) allowed themselves to truly dream up ridiculous and amazing things, which was my number one gripe with the film.

ROUND 3: CHARACTER

The characters in a film can make or break a film. If you don't have a character one can relate to or care about, then the journey isn't as exciting or, in some cases, completely ineffective. Most people who saw Toy Story 3 have seen at least one of its predecessors, and, if you're like me, you saw them when you were a lot younger. In fact, I was Andy's age when the first film came out, so I could totally relate to his love for toys, and I could even relate to the toys themselves. A common theme between the three films was abandonment - more extensively explored in this film than the first two. Not only do the toys feel abandoned by their owner, but because Andy is leaving for college, we get to briefly glimpse into his mom's onset of empty nest syndrome. There is even a sad scene in the final moments of the film which takes Andy's breath away, indicative of the same feeling of loss that the rest of the toys deal with throughout the course of the movie.

Cobb's character in Inception is dealing with loss, as well - the loss of his wife, the loss of his family, and maybe even the loss of his sanity - which isn't clear cut by the end of the film. Most of the characters in the movie are one-dimentional, as well, given specific roles (the architect, the chemist, the forger) which leaves room for very little development. We do see the aforementioned Ariadne develop throughout the film - a character likely built into the script to provide the audience with explanations while learning alongside her. Even after we go into Cobb's mind, its as though the curtain is blatantly lifted off of his mystery rather than slowly unwrapping it like a good suspense film would do.

VERDICT: TOY STORY 3

So, I don't think its any surprise. I think that Toy Story 3 was far superior. In the words of my sister, "K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple, Stupid." When you try to go into complex ideas like Inception, you have to go all the way - not just happily tie every knot in the end for the layman American audience. You have to be willing to throw your characters under the bus the way the writers of Toy Story 3 did (well, in their case, into the dump) and then justify why it matters. Because Inception takes place in a dream, it ultimately leaves the audience with the same feeling that Dorothy feels upon waking up at the end of "The Wizard of Oz" - disappointment.

Hang in there, baby!

2010-07-28T21:40:00.001+02:00

Miss u.

Happy HUMP Day!

2010-07-28T16:06:00.000+02:00

Something tells me grandma likes it!

And something tells me I'll be blogging a lot more again. Watch out, now.

Moving Forward

2010-07-22T22:55:00.003+02:00

I have done a lot of things, many of which I am not proud of. The list is actually so long, if an average-heighted man was holding it up to his eyes, the bottom would hit the floor.

I am in the middle of a really ridiculous breakup. Not because the guy is out of line, but because I am a fuck up. I'm not sure how things are going to pan out. I want to say that I can see us living happily ever after, because, lets be honest, this was a guy I actually seriously saw myself tying the knot with. Because I am, apparently, a big hoe, that may not happen.

Who was I kidding, thinking I could get away with the same shenanigans I pulled in the past? I mean, if anything, this is a wake-up call to prevent me from messing things up with future boyfriends. But I'm not willing to just give up on Lance. I really, really like him. He was right when he said that the first few weeks with someone should be euphoric newness. Instead, I was getting my last minute jollies in before I settled down. And it fucked me up, good.

I always thought it would be me doing the breaking up. Especially since Dugaldo. I knew I would never let anyone fool me again, the way he fooled me. Speak of the devil, I am currently in at Brainwash, a laundromat restaurant and bar, where a washer is actually called "Dugalho." Coincidence? A scorned ex-lover taking their anger out in a much more clever way than I ever did? Pictures to come.

Anyway, I'm seriously bothered by this. I want to move forward, but I'm not sure how. I get back to Washington DC on July 26th. Lance leaves for Michigan on July 28th or 29th for two weeks. Not enough time to build things back to where they were. I just hope he gives me the opportunity to.

Its the only thing I can think about.

Top 10 Sluttiest Girls on Maury Povich

2010-06-23T16:32:00.001+02:00

Love it!

Gay Pride???????

2010-06-14T03:55:00.004+02:00

I didn't do anything to celebrate gay pride. Okay, fine ... maybe I kissed a boy. But it wasn't in a gay setting (Wonderland), it wasn't the right day (Friday), and it wasn't to celebrate gay pride (it was mostly cause I dug him). I worked the day and night of the parade and the parties, mostly serving a non-gay crowd. I went out with my non-gay friends, and had a non-gay time. It was a blast.

What bothers me most is my friend Sean, saying that I didn't ~~have~~ celebrate gay pride because gay pride was invented for an earlier generation, where being proud to be gay was a revolutionary reaction to those who said we had to be ashamed. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Sean and I grew up in the same neck of the woods (the San Francisco bay area), and I think he understands a little bit about where I come from, but I don't think that I lack gay pride, but I somehow can't place my finger on a good reason to celebrate.

My enemies may argue that I am a one-man gay pride parade 365 days a year. Others may argue (the "others" in my head) that I think that gay pride is as valid as gay shame - that we are who we are, and should just be. But this argument invalidates previous generations who didn't have the luxury to be who they were, and instead became husbands and fathers or priests and pathological liars. This argument throws our history into the fire the same way someone would go hiking into the wilderness without a map (or their iPhone).

Its important to chart our path. I see this in my Latino half. I may not be illegal, or an immigrant, or first generation. I may not have an accent, but I know that it is as important to assimilate as it is to anchor yourself. That is the trouble of these times, and those of us who are multi-generational. I AM proud to be gay, the same way I am PROUD to be Mexican. I just don't feel like its anyone's business but my own.

Mind you, I wrote this drunk. Editing will come later.

Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag

2010-06-10T16:15:00.002+02:00

I am looking for my childhood again. This is helping.

Why is it I'm so obsessed with one-hit wonders?

Question of the Day

2010-05-06T07:23:00.000+02:00

Am I a fuck up?

Discuss.

New Machete Trailer

2010-05-05T20:21:00.004+02:00

This is pretty amazing - Robert Rodriguez and company released a special Cinco de Mayo trailer version of Machete - a fake trailer that was released with the double-feature Grindhouse a few years back. This updated version of the trailer includes the timely issue of Arizona's anti-immigration law. Watch it and never stop laughing - like me. Makes me prouder to be Mexican!

To view the original Machete trailer, click here.

Gay Hipster

2010-04-17T19:23:00.001+02:00

This may be my dream man. Sans the middle finger, of course.

The Gay Scene

2010-04-17T18:44:00.003+02:00

Gay guys who say that they're not into the "gay scene" or that they prefer "straight-acting" guys really bother me. It has for a while now, and I always thought it was because I was offended - like I wouldn't qualify, or like they were slamming me. Luckily for my contemporaries and I, we live in a day and age where we can go to gay bars and not be harassed or mocked or even KILLED because we looked at someone the wrong way. It took a lot of hard work and sacrifice from the generations before us, but we're there now.

Also, partial thanks should go to the women's movement, where it was demonstrated to people across the country that we are not simply our gender, and our gender should not limit us to what we can and cannot do. We live in an age where it is recognized that everyone has masculine AND feminine qualities, and that one on the wrong end of the spectrum does not invalidate all of the rest.

What I found really disturbs me about a gay man's resistance to the "gay scene" is how self-loathing it sounds. In a world where people get beat up and shot for being black, for being slow, for being GAY, its ridiculous to me to imagine how low their sense of self-worth is. I mean, we have gay pride marches and rainbow flags and all that good stuff, but when its all stripped away and we're asked to evaluate what it all means, it almost seems like Trig Palin at a McCain rally - they have no idea what they are doing there.

And they band together, too. These guys only seek out other "straight-acting" guys and glorify them, and reward their childish, ignorant behavior. Its a cycle that keeps them happy in their naiveté. And it'll continue to fester and to perpetuate as long as we, as a gay community, enable the world to pigeonhole us by doing it to ourselves in the first place.

Back in the day, the stereotype of the gay man had always been an effeminate, flamboyant interior designer who was too frilly to even have an asshole. We've come a long way from that, but to the other extreme - we want the world to recognize us as no different from any other man, which has hurt us in a completely new way. Only when we marry the dandy we once were with the stone clone we wish to be perceived as will we be the gay men we wish to become.

PS: I don't even know what the "gay scene" means. Anyone who is willing to funnel our multi-faceted gay culture into one lump is a straight up douchebag to me.

Scissor Sisters - Invisible Light

2010-04-14T03:56:00.003+02:00

Back in 2005, the Scissor Sisters were my shit. I was obsessed with them. They rocked my world. I am pleased to hear that their third album is coming out in June, with one of the songs, "Invisible Light," being leaked this month. Check it out, tell me what you think ... think they're BACK back, or just back?

Men at Their Most Masculine

2010-04-13T19:52:00.002+02:00

There was this really great photography piece I saw recently which struck a chord with me - photographer Chad States from Philadelphia put up ads on Craigslist asking, "Are you masculine?," then proceeded to meet up with those who responded and photograph them. However, he wasn't simply asking men if they were masculine - he held the door open for all who felt like there was something masculine about them.

Now, the photo series seems to have very few women, but its an interesting question - what makes a man masculine? I'm not sure I would have an easy answer for that one.

Here are some of the entries:

“I have been called a SNAG (sensitive new age guy), a renaissance man, a man in touch with his feminine side, etc. I think that I am masculine in the sense of self-reliance.”

“I want to show that, despite stereotypes, gay men can be masculine too.”

“In my mind I am masculine. I feel I don’t have to prove it to anyone who might think otherwise (I don’t care what others think).”

“I feel most masculine when I am lying in bed naked.”

“When I wear men’s clothes I feel comfortable and confident in how I look on the outside which now matches the inside.”

“I feel masculine when I am home, I can take care of myself. I often feel emasculated when I leave my apartment though, with everyone asking me if I need help. I don’t need any help.”

“I am strong emotionally, have always stood up for myself, and fear nothing. I happen to be physically strong but that isn’t where I derive my masculinity.”

“To be masculine is to dominate in one’s field of study.”

For the complete interview and series, click here.

Moving on

2010-04-09T05:32:00.002+02:00

I'm not really upset that my sister is moving back to San Francisco tomorrow, but I am feeling really melancholy about the whole thing. Its the end of an era, as she said - we knew this day was coming. Maybe I feel a little bit jealous, but I know I'll get back there someday, too. I mostly think its just hard for me to imagine DC without her anymore. She's been such a big part of my life out here.

I try to imagine life back in San Francisco before DC, and I can't remember how close we were before moving out here. I think we were close - we always have been. But I think being marooned here on the east coast together has pushed us closer than we could have imagined. She's a great sense of stability and consistency in my life that I haven't always had, and who has certainly made living out here, 3000 miles away from my home, okay.

With friendships, its the same. I feel like I have good friends but my best friends live in San Francisco and my closest friends right now live in DC. I don't know how that will all change when I leave, if it will at all. I don't know if I will be missed out here, as much as I miss my friends back home.

I guess what I'm really worried about is always feeling like half of my life is somewhere else than where I presently am. I'm glad that my sister moving has opened my eyes to this situation, and to the people who I consider friends. I think that what is really bothering me is that I'm starting to see holes in some of my friendships, and I'm starting to see a consistency in the people who have been there for a while.

I want to be where I am, not wish I were elsewhere. And tonight, I realize where that is.

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME

2010-03-30T23:00:00.002+02:00

I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable. I'm feeling really vulnerable.

Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler VS. Dove Onslaught

2010-03-27T19:19:00.004+01:00

I don't know if I've ever put this video on here, but if I have, it was a long long time ago. I love this video. It says so much about our perception of beauty, it speaks on consumerism, and all the while a fabulous disco beat plays in the background. Enjoy! I mean, come on - who doesn't love hot chicks puking on each other?

In contrast, I'd like to put up one of my favorite TV commercials of all time, which is only overshadowed by the fact that it is selling a product, just like the things it seems to argue against. I think its a brilliant deception.

It really makes you think.

Being Green Vs. Having Nice Teeth

2010-03-22T17:01:00.002+01:00

Okay, so a major gripe I have with environmentalism is that all roads eventually lead us all towards having horrific teeth. And that is just something I cannot do.

For example, straws:

Straws are terrible for the environment because they are made of plastic and we tend to use them like they are political rights. Many of us are peeved when we are forced to drink something with ice in it without a straw, or when the option isn't simply there regardless of whether we want or need one at all. Cocktail straws are the worst - because bartenders, and douchebags who grab their own garnishes like they're at a salad bar, will often put more than one of the tiny suckers into their cocktail to promote a faster drinking rate. Fail.

I got into the habit of never taking or using a straw a few years ago, but I've realized that my tranny lifestyle has me drinking things that are terrible for my teeth - coffee, soda, and red wine, just to name a few. The way many people get around at least two of these teeth-staining beverages is by using a straw (although I have seen a few people sucking down pinot noir with straws, eek!). Now, straw-using is not something that I want to get into the habit of again, but it seems inevitable that if I want to save the last vestige of pearly white my canines have to offer, then I'm going to have to do a lot more than simply skipping out on my next Americano. A whole lifestyle change is in order.

According to the New York Times, Americans have worst teeth than they did a decade ago. I'd like to see how the power struggle between health care reform and Obama's promises of more green jobs will affect what my teeth look like in ten more years.

Gay Hipster

2010-03-10T17:04:00.001+01:00

Couldn't resist.

My teachers all gave me "F's" in school because they want to FXXX me!

2010-03-03T07:02:00.003+01:00

This shit is so hilarious.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The big 5-0

2010-02-19T15:51:00.003+01:00

Happy birthday, mom. You're 50, and fabulous today! To the next 50!

A Symbolic Analysis of Taylor Swift's Complete Works

2010-02-09T18:40:00.001+01:00

Because I couldn't resist...

Click here for the original.

De-Guidetted Snooki

2010-02-04T17:28:00.003+01:00

OMG, what has Inside Edition done to Snooki? Our favorite Guidette has been stripped of her trademark bump, makeup and repackaged as a classier version of herself. What do you think?

Personally, I could do without the mom-ish look/pose down below, but the pic above is pretty sexy! You go, gurl!

For the full article from Dlisted, click here!

Romeo and Juliet on Facebook

2010-02-04T17:23:00.001+01:00

The original Brangelina.

For the original, click here.

She Wolf Vs. He Wolf

2010-02-04T17:15:00.004+01:00

I like doing these "versus" things. Keeps things fresh.

So, since I'm on both a "versus" and Shakira kick, lets combine the two ... the first clip is the official music video for Shakira's "She Wolf," while the second is for a copy-cat's rendition ... only he's a boy. Its pretty legit, though - the costume, the shot-for-shot reenactment. I'm almost tempted to give the award to He Wolf, if only because Shakira is just gyrating as usual, whereas he's actually having to duplicate those ridiculous moves!

"SHE WOLF"

VS.

"HE WOLF"

2 Cents

2010-02-04T17:02:00.003+01:00

The other day, I found my first penny heads-side up. Usually, when I find a penny, its tails-side up, which isn't good luck ... or that's what I've heard. And in doing some research (yes, because I'm that committed to inane things) I found that the luck only lasts all day. Unbeknownst to me, I've been carrying this penny all week.

What's worst is that I put the penny in my pocket, where there had already been another penny, amongst other change. When I emptied my pockets at the end of the night, with the intention of setting the first heads-up penny with my wallet to ensure that I would carry it with me every day, I found the OTHER penny, and now do not know which is which. So, for the past few days, I've been carrying two pennies with me everywhere I go. And apparently, the luck seems to be working.

Yesterday I found two jobs that sounded pretty legit - the first is with the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, as a type of administrative assistant. Its work experience that most people my age already have, but that I'm severely lacking. I'm excited about it, because they called me yesterday while I was sitting at Tynan with the Linds(a/e)ys, and asked me to come in for a "writing test." Now I'm not entirely sure what that will entail, but I'm nervous and excited about it. I'll be on the hill. Tomorrow! Whoo!

The second job is with the Human Rights Campaign - its more intense with lots more responsibility, so I don't think I'm too qualified, but I sent a copy of my resume to my mother's friends, who know people within the organization. Hopefully, they can score me an interview at the least. I need more practice with this kind of stuff.

The most recent evidence that the pennies are working is a date - in the guise of a guy I have been crushing on for quite some time. We're just meeting for coffee for a bit before Lindsay's dinner, but I'm pretty excited about it. We talked on the phone last night and spoke in Spanish. He's Bolivian, tall, and very handsome.

Can't wait!

Gay Hipster

2010-02-02T20:58:00.002+01:00

Sighted! A gay hipster!

This picture is a huge breath of fresh air because the stupid groundhog saw his shadow, thus predicting 6 more weeks of winter. Good thing they predict wrong over half the time. Enjoy this little gem of summers past...

2010 Oscar Nominations

2010-02-02T20:39:00.002+01:00

My picks are the pics above the category. I'm pretty proud of myself - I saw most of these.

BEST PICTURE:
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterdz
Precious
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air

DIRECTOR:
James Cameron - Avatar
Kathryn Bigelow - The Hurt Locker
Quentin Tarantino - Inglourious Basterds
Lee Daniels - Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire
Jason Reitman - Up in the Air

ACTOR:
Jeff Bridges - Crazy Heart
George Clooney - Up in the Air
Colin Firth - A Single Man
Morgan Freeman - Invictus
Jeremy Renner - The Hurt Locker

ACTRESS:
Sandra Bullock - The Blind Side
Helen Mirren - The Last Station
Carey Mulligan - An Education
Gabourey Sidibe - Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire
Meryl Streep - Julie & Julia

SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Matt Damon - Invictus
Woody Harrelson - The Messenger
Christopher Plummer - The Last Station
Stanley Tucci - The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz - Inglourious Basterds

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Penélope Cruz - Nine
Vera Farmiga - Up in the Air
Maggie Gyllenhaal - Crazy Heart
Anna Kendrick - Up in the Air
Mo’Nique - Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
Mark Boal - The Hurt Locker
Quentin Tarantino - Inglourious Basterds
Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman - The Messenger
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen - A Serious Man
Bob Peterson, Pete Docter - Up

Shakira

2010-02-02T06:32:00.001+01:00

The music, the lyrics, the video... all of this just MAKES SENSE to me for some reason. It's me. Its Julian. Everything about this video, about the music, about the lyrics.... its about me. Its Julian 2010. But I hope not.

1986

2010-01-31T07:44:00.001+01:00

WHAT HAVE I BECOME ?????

Susan Sarandon Spanking Pigs at Of Montreal Concert

2010-01-29T16:00:00.002+01:00

I love Susan Sarandon. And I love Of Montreal.

I love theatrical concerts. And I love when WTF-moments occur seemingly out of nowhere.

The following was made just for me.

Lindsey VS. Education Connection Girl

2010-01-28T20:43:00.002+01:00

So, the other night, I was watching TV with my sister and her boyfriend Jijad and Jijad pointed out this girl in this annoying commercial looked freakishly like my friend and coworker Lindsey. I had been drinking something at the moment of this revelation, and nearly spit up through my nose it was so hilarious. So check it out.

Here is Lindsey:

And here is the commercial:

Is this her doppleganger or what?

Update: The Diva Playlist

2010-01-28T20:06:00.002+01:00

For some reason, I've been really into chick pop lately. And it goes without saying that I've downloaded some Lady Gaga... thats more of a given being a gay man.

However, more shocking is how Beyoncé and Shakira have found their way onto my iPod (which is on the fritz as we speak, probably in large part because of the influx of divaness). So, in order to demonstrate the cultural identity crisis that my workout playlist has been undergoing, here it is, in full drag regalia and all:

1. Chromeo - "Night by Night"
2. France Joli - "Gonna Get Over You"
3. Girls - "Lust for Life"
4. Donna Allen - "Serious"
5. Metronomy - "A Thing For Me"
6. Black Peter Group - "Goody Two Shoes"
7. Katy Perry - "Hot and Cold"
8. Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé - "Telephone"
9. Penguin Prison - "A Funny Thing"
10. Phoenix - "1901"
11. Taylor Swift - "You Belong to Me"
12. LMFAO - "Shots"
13. Avril Lavigne - "The Best Damn Thing"
14. Voxtrot - "Berlin, Without Return..."
15. Avril Lavigne - "Girlfriend"
16. Cut Copy - "Hearts on Fire"
17. Miami Horror - "Make You Mine"
18. Saves the Day - "Firefly"
19. The Presets - "This Boy's in Love"
20. Tiga - "You Gonna Want Me"
21. Shakira - "She Wolf"
22. The Walkmen - "The Rat"
23. Beyoncé - "Irreplaceable"
24. Britney Spears - "Toxic"
25. Weezer - "The Girl Got Hot"

Its like my soul inside of me is fighting an uphill battle against itself. What will prosper?

I think DC has done this to me.

But then I think about Melissa, and I'm like - damn, this girl has been like this her entire life. :) Love you, boo.

Gary Coleman Arrested Mugshot

2010-01-27T15:54:00.003+01:00

Out of the long laundry list of celebs who have been arrested and who's mugshots have been released, Gary Coleman's is the most terrifying. Jeez - what was this guy thinking? He must have been hopped up on some pretty good drugs to not give a fuck, having known the repercussions of such a divalicious photograph. Tabloid Prodigy did a pretty good job discussing what it ACTUALLY looked like, with an example below.

Frank the rabbit from Donnie Darko

To check out the other look-a-likes, check out the full article here.

Electoral College Reform

2010-01-26T19:23:00.004+01:00

Neil Freeman, an artist and urban planner, has come up with a cool and novel idea on how to reform the electoral college so that things are a bit more fair - he's redrawn the 50 states according to population, in order to limit or end overrepresentation of small states and under-representation of larger states. Its a pretty cool idea, but I doubt that we're anywhere close to doing anything like this.

Click here for a larger view - and to check out the cute new State names he's given.

Annie from "A Basement Affair"

2010-01-26T18:35:00.005+01:00

So, I must admit that I have been keeping up with "Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair," a show I was certain I'd like the least out of all of the "of love" shows Vh1 has cranked out for the past four years. First of all, I've had the least interest in The Entertainer - I was honestly shocked when I found out that 51 Minds thought he was enough of a draw to merit his own show. But when I found out that his parents - two characters who were first featured on "I Love New York 2" - would be making regular appearances on the show, I figured it all out ... it was the "Sister Patterson" appeal that they were trying to replicate.

In any case, I watched the first episode of "A Basement Affair" as I do with most of the Vh1 shows and was actually quite surprised by how much it drew me in - and not because of the Entertainer specifically, but because of Annie, a character who seemed particularly out of place. I remember seeing her cast photo...:

... and thinking, "Jeez, that girl looks a little too hipster to be on this show." And I was right. On Vh1.com, they've found a bunch of dirt on Annie - but none of it is akin to Jenny's scandelous photo that got her kicked off this last episode. In fact, this "dirt" happens to be really interesting stuff, stemming from her proclamations in the first episode that she likes to create video art (to which The Entertainer responds, "Like, video games?")

First up is her website, Scandalishious, in which she goes by the name "Caroline" and writes feminist movie reviews, dances to music on Youtube in lingerie, and creates music. When I first found out about this, I figured she was another Vh1 girl looking for fame in all the wrong places, but what I found out next was even more intriguing, and far more interesting.

Next up, the Vh1 blog released an article that Annie had written from Bust regarding her time on "A Basement Affair," and how she originally signed up to “to do a wacky performance piece, attempting to play up the ridiculousness that is reality television and the characters it produces, a satire on a genre that is already a satire of itself. I was interested in the way reality television is reproducing female stereotypes at an alarming rate—using ‘real’ people to validate these stereotypes’ existence.”

Whoa, crazy shit! I was totally psyched to read the piece, but it only becomes more interesting from here - Annie says that her mission ended up becoming increasingly unclear as a real development and interest in Frank began to emerge. She says that it became harder and harder to distinguish herself from her "Famewhore" counterparts because of this.

Read the full article here, and enjoy some of Annie's music below:

MY BUTT OFFICIAL VID from caroline b on Vimeo.

A Zombie's Survival Guide to a Human Takeover

2010-01-26T17:44:00.002+01:00

If you think about it, zombies are people, too. They're doing what they've got to do to survive - hunt, kill and eat, just like primitive man did back in the day. It kind of gets me down sometimes, because they get a bad rap - in EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE. Why hasn't there been a zombie movie yet from the zombie's perspective? I mean, there was that little stint in "Shaun of the Dead" where they pretend to be undead to get past the real deal, but come on - its about as offensive as white actors in blackface.

There has even been literature on how to survive a zombie takeover should it happen. But what about zombies? Where is their survival guide? God knows they need it - they get their sorry asses kicked every time. So, now, its time to step up their game. Zombies reading this - this post is for you!

A ZOMBIE'S SURVIVAL GUIDE TO A HUMAN TAKEOVER

5. Stick to Easy Prey

I know it would be totally bitchin' to tell the rest of your zombie friends how you singlehandedly took down the ripped fratboy with the chainsaw, but lets be honest - your coordination hasn't been all that great since dying. Staying away from anyone who could outrun you or are packing heat is the rule of thumb here - anyone agile and who looks like they might have a clue is definitely NOT the ideal target.

Instead, stick to those who are probably just as tasty but won't be having you spending the rest of eternity in quarters. Babies. Small children. The cheerleading squad (one-on-one, not as a collective). The guy who broke his legs by jumping out the window. The weaker the target, the more likely it is that you'll be getting fed. And don't worry about your zombie friends say - while they're out getting chopped up by angry zombie-killers, you'll be feeding on fresh granny leg and won't even notice the stringiness.

4. Don't get stuck in the door

The fatal flaw that many zombies fall into is the whole "I'll just break down the door" routine. Sure, it seems like a great idea at the time - first you pound on the door, scaring the living daylights out of the person trapped in the room. Then you start to get aggressive with it, since you feel no more pain and the door doesn't look too strong, anyway. Before you know it, your head and the top half of your torso are through the door, but its nearly impossible to get the rest through, and the little girl on the other side of the door is getting brave ... and she knows how to turn mommy's hairspray and that lighter into a flamethrower.

Try breaking the door down at the hinges, or breaking off the handle. If you try to get through it by squeezing your body through a jagged hole, then you'd might as well tell the would-be victim how to properly kill you so you don't wind up waiting for the end of time in a dustpan. If the door doesn't break down, then consider this - they're going to come out sooner or later. Grab a book, kick back and wait for dinner to be served.

3. If they're in the closet, then they're unarmed

Consider this - putting the deliciousness of the person who ran into the locked room aside, there are other lower-risk places to look for human flesh. Follow the whimpering sounds to the closet doors and you'll be surprised to find that anyone hiding in there is most likely to be armed - or armed very poorly. Anyone hiding in a closet is at the end of their rope - so let them down!

Weapons to consider that they may find in the closet include wire hangers, wooden hangers, shoes or boots - maybe they've even improvised and taken down the rod that is used to hang everything and turned it into a club. They may even have a gun of some kind, but if this is the case, its likely they're either really low on ammunition, or its all for show.

Stay cautious, but for the most part, this is an easy one - bon apetit!

2. New Balance Shoes

For some reason, being undead means that driving a car is out of question. Zombies are more of a fan of the foot-mobile, so having comfortable kicks is essential to being successful in your hunt for brains. New Balance shoes have been revered as the quintessential comfort shoe by the human community, so its time for zombies to take a note and get in on the action.

I can't help but stress how important it is for zombies to have good footwear. Too many times in these movies, I see you hobbling along barefoot or in clunky, heavy boots - its time to take back the night and get into something that'll help you stay ahead of the game - and more agile when it comes to chasing and being chased. Since your ability to get away and to sneak up on unsuspecting prey is the key to your survival, taking this one seriously is absolutely necessary!

1. Don't "lose your head"

Beheading, unlike vampires, does not cause immediate death - instead, it creates a whole new set of inconveniences for one who needs to EAT to survive. Keeping your head on your shoulders is essential to your survival. Yes, its possible to reattach your head once you've lost it, but once it falls off, all it doesn't take much to remove it once again. Humans seem to think that beheading will kill you so its the first thing they go for, so be warned - wear extra protection in that area!

Losing your head can also mean losing your cool, and that's another thing that you need to watch out for. Don't go all postal on a group of kids just because they are taunting you. Chances are, they're luring you into a trap. The best laid plans are the ones in which you are the one in control, and losing it almost guarantees your ultimate demise.

Blogging to Make Myself a Better Person

2010-01-22T21:02:00.003+01:00

I was talking to my co-worker Sean a while back about blogging, and he thinks its narcissistic, which I totally agree with. You are writing about yourself. The things you like. Everything is one-sided, opinion based, and probably not very well-written. No one sees it except yourself, and maybe a handful of good friends who are interested in the same things and probably think similarly, which is why you're probably friends in the first place. Everything is about you and your world. Nothing else sneaks in.

Me, I love reality TV, things that are campy and bizarre, politics (at least, the issues that concern me), and gay things. My blog is focused on just that. I love going onto other people's blogs and admiring pictures or clever ideas. I love seeing what other people have to say and what they think about or dream. And when I read the newspaper, I usually read the Op-Ed section - not because I can't handle hard news, but because I think that what people THINK is just as important as what actually IS. Maybe even more important.

I like blogging because I feel like I get to be myself and like what I want to like without the judgmental looks someone might give you if you say them aloud. And if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to come back. I also like the creativity it affords - I, by nature, am a creative person. I like to create things that weren't before. I like to turn pictures in my head into pictures on paper. Its a freedom that isn't given to people who wait tables to pay their rent. Its the wings that humans have always been jealous of avians for having.

I have been in a slump, its true. I finally admitted that I'm ready for a relationship, I'm ready for an office job, I'm ready for the future. But I feel like I've been left behind, and its really affected my ability to be creative.

Blogging is the easy way to get back onto the horse. I'm ready to start making things. I'm ready to start using my brain again. I'm ready to become the person I know I can be. It just takes a little practice. And, apparently, a little narcissism. Because, after all, you have to like yourself to believe in yourself, and you need to believe in yourself to succeed.

2009 Reality TV Characters Awards

2010-01-22T19:38:00.005+01:00

Right off the bat, I'm going to say that 2009 was a good year for television. On January 1, 2009, I had no desire to even step into New Jersey, nor did I realize that stripping could be such a glamorous lifestyle. When I peeled myself off of Melissa's bed in my hellish, hungover haze that first day in January, I had no idea what rich and satisfying characters would infiltrate my life and plunder countless smiles and WTF face-covering reactions from my soul.

Face-covering reactions, you ask?

Yes, there were plenty of them.

So, without further ado, this is to those selfless characters who gave up their dignity and personal space to make us smile, laugh, grimace, and even make us believe in the power of true love again.

10. Ryan Jenkins

Two Ryans came into my life in 2009 - one in the shape of a neighbor, a friend, and a dance partner, the other in the form of a Canadian millionaire murderer who singlehandedly shattered Megan Hauserman's dreams ... and my dreams of a bangin' I Love Money 3. Ryan Jenkins murdered his estraged ex-wife only weeks after the premiere of Megan Wants a Millionaire, a show in which he not only was a contestant, but supposedly a finalist in.

I have a feeling that because of this tragedy, Vh1 "of love" shows will never be the same again. Because supposedly, Vh1 was supposed to have looked into their crystal ball and seen that this guy, who didn't have much of a criminal record, was going to kill his future ex-wife who he'd meet AFTER the show finished filming. Confused yet? Don't worry, its Vh1's fault.

9. Kate Gosselin

Homegirl cannot get a break. First she got knocked up with twins (yuck). Then she got knocked up again with sextuplets (triple the yuck). Then she let Edward Scissorhands go at it with her weave, which instantly became a hit (for some reason). Then the media and her type-A personality got in between Jon, her husband, and she, and now they're tabloid household names because ... why, exactly? Because she has a uterus that likes breaking up inseminated eggs into pieces? Not sure what the appeal is here, but I'm pretty sure that if you're going to be on reality TV, you'd want your career to take off like hers.

Uh, hello? She's guest-hosted the View. You go, girl.

8. Ryan and Sarah

The Real World: Brooklyn deserves recognition for breaking out of the classic mold that the show has slumped into, despite it being, for the most part, a major snooze-fest. Queerty.com designated it the "gayest Real World ever," what with a closeted Mormon, an ex-lesbian, a tranny, the gay dolphin trainer, a guy with abs that would put the Situation to shame, and a girl obsessed with weaves.

However, it stood out to me because of two characters - Ryan and Sarah. Ryan was the Afghanistan veteran musician writer/resident goofball, with so many facets to his personality that he seemed slightly schizophrenic. Then there was Sarah, the San Franciscan who was cool and collected and always listened - a trait that was not only noticeable but terribly endearing on the first episode when she asked Ryan if he had ever killed anyone.

I would want to be both of these kids friends, any day.

7. Chardonnay

Chardonnay from "For the Love of Ray J" season 1 is probably the only woman on the face of this planet that I would consider being in a relationship with. She's sexy, beautiful, and seems extremely fun. A little high maintenance, yes, but that's something that I'd be willing to work with. She won me over when she did that amazing booty-drop from the top of the strip pole all the way down into a split. Sadly, she was eliminated later on in that episode.

She's way too much for cable television to handle. She definitely belongs on HBO.

6. Theresa

New Jersey was already on the map before Snooki and The Situation hit Seaside Heights. Thanks to Theresa and the rest of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," New Jersey had already become a place where glitz and glamour met gutterbutter. Theresa is not only on my list because of her fabulous hairdo, but also because of the amazing table-lifting antic that was about to occur in the photo above. I must admit, I didn't follow this show as much as I did some of the other shows (see: #5 on this countdown), but this episode was definitely part of the best TV of 2009. My brain is still suffering from it.

5. Kim and Nene

Although I did start to take to Sheree this last season, "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" was made, for the most part, by Kim, Nene and their relationship, which has more bumps in it than Lil Wayne's face. Nene is a fast-talker and knows how to dish out the insults if she even SUSPECTS you might be crossing her, and Kim's weave is the ideal target, being all flashy and out there and shit. And the funny thing is is that there is so much to make fun of Kim for, yet she insists on making herself more ridiculous (don't even get me started on her "music" career).

What's special about these girls is that they are more like computers than they are like real people - instead of reevaluating their mistakes and learning from them, as human beings do, they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, as though they are incapable of sentient reasoning. What's so amazing about it in the end is that despite the fights being about the same shit, it never ceases to get boring. You go, girls!

4. Derek

Oh, Derek, from "The Real World: Cancun." Never have I felt so close to a reality TV character in my life. Gay Mexican server who likes getting wasted and being a goofball. I think that you could overlap at least two photographs of me with the one above and there would be no noticeable difference. Its like we're kindred spirits. I've allowed myself to let go of my dream of getting onto to Real World because part of me feels as though I already have done it. Thanks, Derek, for taking that hit for the both of us.

3. Snooki and JWow

There would be something severely wrong with this countdown had there been no mention of Snooki and JWow from "Jersey Shore" - like a guidette without a fake tan or a guido without his fist pump. Both of these girls were stars of the show - Snooki for getting punched in the face, and JWow for being a self-proclaimed praying mantis woman ("after I have sex with a guy, I will rip his head off"). Both of the girls had something special to offer, and they gave it to America hard and fast like one of their back-flip inspiring house songs.

Now that they are coming back for season 2, I think its safe to say that they will probably be making next year's list, as well - but they better step their game up to stay fresh!

2. Angelique

French strippers! The "Rock of Love 2" and "Rock of Love Girls: Charm School" alum didn't make it too far on either show, so we never got the chance to fall in love with her the way we did by having her on every episode except the last in "I Love Money 2." She swam, ran, threw, ate, and even French-kissed her way to the top of the game, to make it to sixth place on the highly competitive and extremely cut-throat show, which had her doing what she does best: fighting for money.

I don't know whether it was the Barbie-doll pink in her outfit choices, her indecipherable accent, her undying affection for 20 Pack, her adorable friendship with Buckwild and Saaphyri, or even her penchant for taking off her top, but something about her this time around really got to me. Long live France!

1. The Blontorage

Never has sloppy looked this good. The Blontorage (composed of Ashley, Farrah, Gia, DJ Lady Tribe, and whoever else they got down with who had access to bleach) graced our TV screens early in January, but they were so influential and memorable that they lasted throughout the rest of the year, even coming back for "Charm School 3" to be reformed. But who wants a reformed bad girl when you can have "perrereca" shots, food fights, stripping and belligerent behavior?

Lets not fool ourselves - the Blontorage are not role models. They are a different breed of models - the kind you become when you're really hard up for money and have a better body than you do have a face. But that's why we love them - because they put it out there, owned it, and didn't give a fuck. Now that's inspiring.

Gay Hipster

2010-01-22T07:14:00.001+01:00

Missed u...

Keyboard Cat VS. Keyboard Dog

2010-01-22T07:09:00.001+01:00

Okay, because I'm a dog guy, I'm definitely saying that Keyboard Dog wins. Any other votes?

VS.

Jersey Shore Finale Tonight!

2010-01-22T04:03:00.003+01:00

Oh, my God, I'm so excited! Do Snooki and the Situation really hook up? Is Pauly D. finally going to shake Danielle? Is Ronnie going to be released from jail? And if he does, is he going to stick with Sammi? OHMYGODSOMANYQUESTIONS.

Well, in order to rejoice, get your hair gel on, practice that fist pump and take some dancing lessons from Snooki:

First Update of the Year

2010-01-22T03:50:00.003+01:00

Sorry to be so lame lately. I made all this fanfare about "being back" and then I disappear again. Whatever.

~~I've been job hunting, but it hasn't been going so well.~~ That's actually not true. I haven't been job hunting. I've been on one interview, and I ran into one of the girls who interviewed me last night at "Pink Sock" at Wonderland and she said I wasn't going to get the job. It was a lot less bitchy than that, and she insisted that I wouldn't want to work there, anyway. She said she's trying to get out.

So that's my life. In a nutshell. Sleeping in every day. Gym every day. Getting closer to people at work, which is nice - Lindsay, Dark Lindsey, Jesse ... its been nice. I've been a totally social creature and I'm really enjoying it.

However, soon, I know I'm going to need to get back into my passion. Writing. Being productive. So part of this revamp of my blog has to do more with trying to become more creative overall. We'll see how it goes.

Oh, and I love sharing all the stupid shit I like, so more stuff to clutter up your blogfeed.

Love you!

Sex Offender Shuffle

2009-12-04T21:50:00.001+01:00

This is pretty hilarious - I don't know if its real or not (I think not, because the 80s outfits look too costume-y to be real), but its great nonetheless. All you have to do is pretend just a little to let the LOLs roll out.

Sex Offender Shuffle - watch more funny videos

Craigslist: A Series

2009-12-04T21:19:00.002+01:00

Its been a while since I did one of these. And since I have an iPhone, I can totally relate. Except for the whole girlfriend part. Or boyfriend part. Or any of this entirely sans the technological bit. Damn.

---

Iphone VS Girlfriend
Date: 2009-09-29, 7:49AM EDT

As I type this, my boyfriend is on the couch, napping blissfully, his Iphone nestled to his chest. I remember the distant days when I was the one who nestled there, my head resting lovingly against his shoulder, but apparently because I don't vibrate like a buzz saw every ten minutes to let him know that he's gotten an email from Sears.com with great deals for Fall savings, he's traded up.

I remember when it was my shrill, piercing voice that delighted him, but no more. I've lost my favored status, displaced by a small, rectangular device that beeps incessantly at the most inopportune times - most of which are apparently no longer inopportune! God help me if I should turn to him while he's engrossed in an episode of Two and a Half Men and say, "I forgot to tell you about this lady I saw in the Food Lion today who was wearing hilarious pants!" I would be judiciously shushed! But Iphone gets to say whatever it's thinking any time it wants! Iphone can do no wrong! No matter what he's in the middle of, no moment is too important to be interrupted by a text message from his Iphone letting him know that 90% of American currency has tested positive for trace amounts of cocaine, according to CNN.com.

Should I be providing better content? Were I to turn to him while he's watching TV and say, "MEEEP Thursday's forecast calls for morning clouds with a chance of afternoon thundershowers," would he smile receptively, or nod with interest? I doubt it. I also don't see what's so useful about the real-time updates his Iphone provides on sports games and breaking news, when the information I provide is also in real-time and personalized! Does his precious Iphone nag him when he forgets to give the dog his heartworm medicine? Does it remind him that it's unattractive to drink soda straight from the bottle and then just put it back in the fridge? Does his Iphones angry rattle encourage him to start dinner right away because I'm going to be hungry when I get home?

All right, I know when I'm beat. It's time for me to take this to the next level, before he realizes that when his Iphone never has morning breath, steals the covers, or mocks his love of Entourage. So what do I have to do to win him back? Offer my services for a better monthly rate? Remind him of the convenience of his no-initial-fee, no-obligation contract with me? Ok, maybe there was an initial fee to join me, but I'm sure he'd say it was worth it. Or would he? After all, I can't think of any new features I've added in the last few years, aside from a new haircut, or any upgrades to speak of unless you count going up a pants size. Which I do. Possibly it's time to fight fire with fire - or water. My boyfriend's Iphone does seem to be getting a little smudged, due to his constant, loving caresses and attention. Perhaps it needs a bath. :]